Exploring new relationships can be really exciting, especially during the honeymoon phase. The honeymoon phase can last for a lifetime—if you maintain your relationship with love, effort, trust, and great communication. There are many other things that happy relationships require as well in order to succeed, but the list could be nearly endless (This one is pretty long as it is). Sometimes however, relationships end, right after that honeymoon phase. I wanted to create a list of some of the primary reasons why relationships sometimes end, before they even really begin.
1. Lack of Effort
Not putting effort into things is not only the route to many issues in relationships, but it shows your partner that you really don’t care, and that they’re of little importance to you. It’s imperative to do things for your partner because you love them, and the best way of letting your partner know is by putting effort into the things that you do. It’s important to show your partner how much you love them through your words and your actions, and there should definitely be a healthy balance between the two. It’s important to make your partner feel special by putting effort into things that you do for them, even the little things.
2. Not Making the Time
So many people get busy throughout their daily lives, and they make little time for their partner or towards maintaining the happiness within their relationship. If you’re not willing to make the time for your partner or for your relationship, and treat them as a priority, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship. Relationships are a priority, and no one should be put in the backseat, just because you have other priorities as well. You need to make the time for your partner, and even to have a bit of romance in your life. If you’re not willing to be giving and loving to another person, then you shouldn’t get involved or be in a relationship until you are ready. Not having the time is never a good excuse, because people need to learn to make the time for priorities in their life. A balanced life means balancing out all of your priorities and making the time for everything that’s important, and valuable for you to keep.
3. Unrealistic and Unreasonable Expectations
Having unrealistic and unreasonable expectations is one of the worst ways that people mess up a good thing. It’s important that we don’t have such high expectations of people, because you’ll likely be setting yourself up for disappointment. Usually, people set the bar so high that just being “normal” becomes hard, and normal is great! Normal should be the goal. Normal isn’t boring. Normal is the closest thing that anyone will ever get to, towards the point enlightenment, zen, peace, and ultimately, stable happiness. If you’re bored, grab a book, but don’t have expectations of your partner to fulfill your immediate desires or any of your delusional requirements for staying busy or providing you with happiness or entertainment. That’s not your partner’s job.
4. Lack of Trust
Not being able to trust your partner can literally torture you from within. You have to be able to trust one another or you’ll never be happy. You should always give your partner the benefit of the doubt, and when in doubt, you should be comfortable enough to communicate your thoughts, feelings, questions, or concerns. Learn to develop better communication skills.
5. The Lack of Communication or Just BAD Communication
It’s important to be comfortable in your relationship, and to feel as though you can tell your partner nearly anything. Having great communication can solve most any problem in a relationship. Remember, it’s not only about what you say sometimes, but more so, how you say it. Haven’t you ever watched “Everybody Loves Raymond”? As well, you shouldn’t have to sweep issues under the rug (nor should you), and hide your true feelings from your partner. You should be able to express yourselves and tell one another what’s really going on, even at the times when it may seem hard to do.
6. Lack of Honesty
Nothing can be more destructive than when two people lie to each other—even those small, little, white lies that people think are harmless and insignificant. Lying is lying, and there’s really no need to lie to someone that you claim to love—even to prevent them from getting hurt, because ultimately, if they ever find out that you lied, it will hurt, and sometimes it will even end a relationship. Honesty and trust go hand-in-hand, so, usually when one of the two isn’t there, the other one is hard to maintain as well.
7. Lack of Monogamy/Being Unfaithful
The only way to a healthy relationship is when it’s monogamous. It’s hard enough to make a relationship work out when it’s one on one, let alone if you’re multitasking people (lovers). When people aren’t faithful and committed to each other, they break their trust, and without trust, which is one of the main fundamentals of a healthy relationship, you have nothing.
8. Being Fake from the Get Go
When people aren’t genuinely authentic, and don’t act as themselves—who they really are from the very beginning, they tend to show their true colors, and be more themselves as time goes on, and it’s very misleading and confusing to their partner. Eventually their partner will find out, and simply not want to be with them anymore—usually finding out after a certain point that they were never truly compatible with one another. It’s imperative to be authentic and be the real you from the very first day. That way your partner can see if they’re the best possible match for you. There’s never a good reason to put on a front or act like anyone other than the best version of yourself. The right match for someone will be with them because of who they are, and you should want someone to want you for who you are, not some fake version of yourself that you’ve concocted up.
9. Bringing in past Issues
Many times people bring in baggage from their past, whether they’re wounds or heartache from their previous relationships, or even sometimes their own emotional issues that they haven’t yet worked out or fixed. Many times people compare the person that they’re with to someone from their past which is never a good thing. Everyone deserves a fresh, clean slate, and especially in a new relationship.
10. Not Being on the Same Page
From the very beginning, and in the dating period, people should find out if they want the same things as their partner ultimately, and down the line, because wasting one another’s time is never good. You need to be on the same page throughout your relationship, otherwise, it’s not going to work out.
11. Lack of Appreciation
It’s important to stay grounded, know what’s important in life, and appreciate your partner for all that they have, instead of concentrating on what they lack. This is also actually the key to happiness. It’s important to appreciate what you have in life, and concentrate on all of the little things that your partner does for you and has, as opposed to what they don’t. Everyone needs to feel appreciated, and sometimes we take our partners for granted, and don’t even say thank you.
12. Lack of Closeness, Affection, and Intimacy
Despite whether you’re being intimate with your partner already or even if you’re waiting till your wedding day, it’s irrelevant when it really comes down to it. Believe it or not, a healthy, new relationship does NOT require intimacy. It’s not a foundation for a great relationship, but it does help, and for some people that have stronger labidos and are more sexual, they tend to look at sexuality and intimacy as a priority. However, their priorities before marriage should be things like developing a strong foundation built on honesty, love, trust, understanding, great communication, and just really getting to know one another on a deeper level. Intimacy shouldn’t have to be a factor for a break up early on. Don’t get me wrong, because intimacy is imperative for any long-term commitment like marriage. However, in a relationship, the lack of warmth, kindness, and love is usually what takes away from a person’s desire to be affectionate or to receive it for that matter. Being affectionate and close can play such a big role in new relationships, because it shows how warm, loving, and nurturing a person is, and it’s one of the best ways of expressing that warmth. Not everyone is going to be on the same page in regards to intimacy, but being on the same page is imperative or at least being understanding of one another is, if you want your relationship to work out. If your goal is having intimacy and you believe that to be one of the main foundations of a new relationship, then your priorities are not only off, but your intentions are likely impure.
13. Making Everything a Big Deal
Couples need to pick and choose their battles, and not fight over every little thing. You’re never going to agree on everything with your partner, so you need to accept that from the get-go. Relationships are about give and take, and not winning arguments. There’s no winner or loser when it comes to disagreements. It’s all about having love, peace, and happiness. There’s never a reason to “one up” your partner or to play games with them as such where there’s one person that wins an argument. Remember, there’s no winner, and there’s no loser. What’s important is to care, concentrate, and work on how well you communicate, and work things out with one another, so that you can maintain your happiness, your love, and your relationship.