6 Reasons Online Dating Attracts Emotionally Unavailable People


When it comes to dating and falling in love with someone new, a few things are mandatory. For starters, you must have an open heart, which means that you must be in a healthy place mentally and emotionally, and ready to embrace and fall in love. If you have any emotional wounds, hurt, anger, or bitterness from previous relationships that you’ve explored, you shouldn’t be dating. You might even be considered emotionally unavailable. Another thing that you must have when you’re hoping to fall in love and explore the dating scene is a sense of wholeness and self-worth.


It’s important to be a whole person yourself before starting to date or meet someone new. Last but not least, it’s important to know what you want in another person, what works for you, and what doesn’t in a relationship. If those three things, including having an open heart, being a whole person, and knowing what you want in a match aren’t present, you’re likely emotionally unavailable to some extent and shouldn’t be in the dating scene at all, or at least not yet.


This brings me to the toxic world of dating sites which I’ve written many articles on previously on my blog. The following is a list of reasons that the world of online dating attracts emotionally unavailable people. This list not only attracts emotionally unavailable people, but by being on dating sites people tend to become emotionally unavailable for many reasons as well. Many people these days that have tried online dating have become addicted to keeping their profiles up after meeting someone that they like. They do this when there’s one or even a few people that they’re communicating with.


The problem with keeping your online dating profile up after more than a few dates with someone is that you’re not fully giving that or any situation a real chance at survival. It’s important to give promising situations a chance. Keeping your online dating profiles up after meeting someone that you feel has potential to be a great match is a bad idea. It will likely work against you and your new promising situation. I’d highly recommend the 3 date rule, and to deactivate dating profiles after a third date with someone when things are going well.


Here’s the list:


1. There’s less pressure


People that are emotionally unavailable hate being pressured on a romantic level, and especially when it comes to having an exclusive relationship. When someone is emotionally unavailable, they leave at the first sign of pressure. The less pressure, and the more likely someone that’s emotionally unavailable will be open to dating you.


2. Great minds think alike


Many times people are drawn to qualities that they embrace them self. These qualities aren’t necessarily all good, like being emotionally unavailable or commitment phobic.


3. It’s a safe zone


Emotionally unavailable people or people who are commitment phobic can to be drawn to online dating because it feels safe, and because of all of the options there are, they know that if things get too serious, they can just move onto the next profile. Swipe left and next! There are endless numbers of people with online dating profiles of people who are separated, recently divorced, just getting out of a relationship, or worst of all, some are even still married. Trust me, I’ve seen it! For those types of people that are definitely emotionally unavailable, online dating is a safe zone.


4. There’s no attachment


People who are emotionally unavailable can’t stand the idea of the long-term relationships or marriage. Being that online dating has gained so much popularity and because there are so many dating site profiles available, they feel less committed to any one of them. Therefore, they don’t get attached or develop true and genuine feelings for anyone. Many times, at the first sign of someone wanting to take things more seriously and move to the next level, someone that’s emotionally unavailable will run or even ghost the person.


5. There’s no rush, timeline, or urgency


Once again, it goes back to emotionally unavailable people not liking the idea of being pressured on a romantic level. People who are emotionally unavailable like to go at their own comfortable pace like everyone else, but even more so. Knowing that there’s no timeline and that they can contact people and go at their own pace takes the pressure off. There’s no sense of urgency to get back to someone quickly, and if it bothers them, they’ll just move onto the next profile.


6. Ignoring people is quite common


When it comes to online dating, I don’t believe that people should reply which would give false hope to those, when they know that they’re not interested. It’s true that many people will get offended, hurt, angry, and might even report your profile for the lack of response. But the truth is, you can’t reply to everyone, and for many people, being ignored hurts either way. Giving false hopes to someone that you’re not interested in by replying to them isn’t kind. This obviously depends upon how many people are contacting you, because for some people, there are endless emails for them to go through and to reply to everyone would take them forever anyway.


People that are emotionally unavailable tend to go at their own pace, and many times for the person that’s dating them, open to love, and perhaps even wears their heart on their sleeve, they might want to connect with the emotionally unavailable person more frequently, but they just won’t have it. This is when ignoring people happens more frequently. In online dating, ignoring people has become a regular thing, and very common so it’s definitely another safe area for that emotionally unavailable person.


People who are emotionally unavailable tend to go at their own pace, and many times for the person who’s dating them, open to love, and perhaps even wears their heart on their sleeve, they might want to connect with the emotionally unavailable person more frequently, but they just won’t have it. This is when ignoring people happens more frequently. In online dating, ignoring people has become a regular thing, and very common so it’s definitely another safe area for that emotionally unavailable person.

Anne Cohen

Founder, Owner, Writer, and Editor at Anne Cohen Writes
Anne Cohen is a lifestyle and relationship blogger based in Los Angeles, CA. Her blogs are Anne Cohen and Anne Cohen Writes. She contributes to various publications including The Huffington Post, Elite Daily, and many more. She's passionate about love, writing, chess, and more than anything, her two kids.

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