When it comes to getting the girl, and attaining her love and affections, it involves a few things. For starters, I’d like to make a point of saying that although mind games, being calculating, and manipulating people into wanting you more might temporarily work, and of course there are oodles of articles on the subject, I still wouldn’t advise it. If your intentions are pure and you’re more of the type who is willing to do what it takes to get what you want, as well as put in the effort, hard work, and love that it takes to keep it once you get it, I have a few tips to help you make her want you more.
1. Make Her Feel Special
Make her a priority. Don’t make her feel as if she’s merely an option or one of many. Every girl and guy wants to feel special and as if you see them as completely unique. No one likes to be compared to someone who you’ve previously married, dated, or hooked up with. And some people don’t even enjoy being compared to famous people, icons, or role models, especially being that many people have egos the size of Jupiter, and can’t bear to think of themselves as any less than the very best, ahem, in the whole wide world. I think many of us can agree that we need to put an end to all of the comparisons.
Everything of value in your life should be treated as a priority, and things worthwhile are also worth the effort. Therefore, make sure to put enough love and effort into caring about her. You can show her how much you care by putting effort into things, by planning things, doing sweet gestures, and making the time in your busy day to touch base and let her know that she’s on your mind.
2. Be Present and Listen, but Really Listen
It’s easy to be present and to be there for the roll call. But in reality, many of us simply aren’t present, and blaming today’s society, technology, and social media isn’t going to change anything and isn’t a good enough excuse. In other words, excuses aren’t going to solve the problem. Many of us aren’t embracing the moment, and truly absorbing the energy that our partners are giving to us. And I must say, there are people who would love and only wish in their wildest dreams to be in our shoes, having a goddess of a partner as we may have, while we’re taking them for granted and not truly feeding off of their unique, exciting, and incredible energy.
To have an opportunity to love someone and share feelings with them, to experience passion, fire, spice, intellectual conversations, as well as sharing things that you enjoy together, is a gift and should be appreciated by frankly, acting like you give a damn. Don’t just show up—actually be there, listen, but listen with your heart. Feed off of the connection you share and embrace it.
Try to connect with your partner by being a good listener, rather than thinking of what you want to say while they’re still speaking. There’s no rush to be quick to respond. Listen wholeheartedly, reflect, then speak your mind. Having said that, some women love to talk. And sure, some of us are chattier than others. But then again, some men are even more chatty than the chattiest of women. Point being, you should find a partner who you enjoy listening to talk, chatter, laugh, go on tangents, and who simply doesn’t annoy you, but rather makes you feel more loved and alive by knowing that it’s you who they’re chattering to.
3. Be Sweet
Two words. Be sweet. Yes, only two words, because just like some things are better to be kept short and sweet, being sweet is essential to not only make a girl want you more, but to make the right girl want you more. The types of girls who go after bad boys and the types of men who treat them poorly aren’t psychologically or emotionally in a place to be dating at all.
People who like to feel abused, hurt, or who feel more at ease in painful and uncomfortable situations are not ready for you. Perhaps their reasons are because they’ve had a challenging upbringing, never been shown love, never known anything better, and all in all, feel better when things are erratic, shakey, and turbulent, it’s once again irrelevant because they’re not ready for you. We should all, both men and women alike, pick and choose our best possible match. And that person should be warm, empathetic, kind-hearted, loving, affectionate, and sweeter than maple syrup.
We’re not here to fix people and make them whole and ready for us. The right person will be ready for you at the right time. Call it destiny, fate, in God’s Hands, or anything that you’d like to call it, but the fact remains, we aren’t anyone’s saviours and we need to fix our own issues before we date someone. If someone isn’t interested in you because you were too sweet, too authentic, or because you didn’t have enough so-called “game,” let her go.
4. Be the Best Version of Yourself
People are saying this much more over the past few years—which is great! We should always be the best version of ourselves. But when it comes to dating someone and making them like us more, sometimes we put on a front, act a bit less authentic, and act extra-ordinary as if we’re—I don’t know—perfect? It’s important to keep it real and to be authentic when trying to win someone over, but also to be loving, sweet, and to put a little extra effort into things. And I must say, many of us put effort into things early on and during the honeymoon phase, but in order to make that honeymoon phase last a lifetime, it involves a certain amount of love and effort always, and not merely early on when things are new, uncharted, and exciting.
Put your best foot forward. Be your charismatic, humorous, fun to be around self. Be real, authentic, and be you—only, have manners, be polite, considerate, and care about making a good first impression. You should always care about how you look and act. That doesn’t mean that you’re being fake or unauthentic. It simply means that you care and you value not only the other person but yourself as well. It says a lot about who you are when you take care of yourself, and when you show another person that you strive towards being the best version of you. You see, when a person is open about having the desire to improve themselves and doesn’t see themselves in a perfect light, it shows that they’re imperfect, which is wise and intelligent, and makes them come across as humble.
5. Be Her Best Friend
You can and should have friends as well as a social life. Having said that, you can even share friends and be super-close to each other. But when it comes to sharing private things, secrets, and choosing who you’ll run to when you need a rock, a shoulder, and a friend to confide in, you choose your lover and your best friend. Be that best friend or at least work towards that type of situation. True feelings, as well as true friendship, take time, effort, and love. Be willing to be her best friend and the one who is closest to her. She will most definitely love knowing that you trust her, confide in her, and share things with her more than any other.
6. Be Driven, Independent, and Focused
If you’re with the right girl, she will be supportive of you being driven and going after your goals, working hard, and whatever it is that drives you and that you’re passionate about. The right girl will want you to succeed and be rooting for you along the way—not only at the finish line. Just as she’ll want you to focus on her at times, treating her as a priority, the right girl for you will also support you being focused and treating other areas of your life as a priority too. Balance is imperative in any healthy situation, and the right girl who is truly ready for you will acknowledge, appreciate, and support that balance.
Now, depending on the girl you’re with, she might like a lot of attention or a little less attention. You somewhat have to play it by ear and see what she responds best to or you can even openly chat about it if you have great communication. If a girl likes a lot of attention, and you’re more than happy to give it, do so. And if she likes the independent type of guy who is super-busy and does his own thing more so than not, give her some room to breathe. Some girls don’t like it when a guy acts clingy, needy, or as if she is his whole word. It makes them feel as though he isn’t driven or focused in life and isn’t going anywhere. But again, it truly depends on the girl you’re dating or are in a relationship with.
Here’s where I might get some bad feedback, but I’m gonna go for it regardless…
Through what I’ve learned from seeing different relationships succeed or fall apart, many times the women who didn’t desire as much closeness, affection, or intimacy, wanted an immense amount of independence from their men, as well, desired the type of man who was very driven, hardworking and independent. The type of woman wouldn’t always have the purest of intentions or even truly love the man for the right reasons. Many times, I’ve seen marriages fail from the lack of passion that a woman would feel and express towards her man. And I’ve heard multiple guys say that they felt that their wives never really loved them and that it always felt like more of a business transaction, rather than a loving marriage. In other words, too much independence might not be such a good thing.