When it comes to dating, for some people, it’s easy to find a date. Especially with dating apps and websites being so popular and easily available these days. Online dating has made it so that one can find someone to go out with in a mere instant. And many times, it’s as easy as swiping right. Having said that, not everyone is simply looking for a date, but more so, for their next first date to be their last first date, and for things to last with a person and hopefully, turn into something more meaningful.
Some people would rather just skip the whole dating process, settle for mediocre, and be in a situation that’s just O.K., as long as there’s “some good.” They’d rather date their “almost match” or “a good catch” just to be done with the whole dating thing. However, some people actually want to meet that one special someone, and not settle for something that’s mediocre. Many people aren’t looking for a free meal, a free ride, yet another person to start all over with and open up to about their life, or to experience what some would consider serial dating. In this article, I wanted to talk about why singles shouldn’t settle for exploring a situation with someone after a first date—when they clearly see that they’re wrong for one another.
1. Never settle.
Don’t settle, wait for the right person. If you’re tired of going on unsuccessful first dates, tired of not having a partner, a best friend, a lover, and someone to spend time and share things with, you still shouldn’t settle for being with the wrong person. Don’t settle, wait for the fairytale. If you’re tired of dating, take a short break and focus on some other things, or even better, have enough of a balanced life, that you make time for everything that’s important to you. But at the same time, try to be more selective of the dates that you go on or accept. And remember, it’s not serial dating if you got on many first dates. As long as you’re doing so with pure intentions. It’s better not to lead someone on, and end things early on if you clearly see that you’re not the right match for one another.
2. Acknowledge red flags.
There are many reasons that people will settle, including being lonely, being tired of dating, liking some, but not all things about someone—especially the most important things, and instead, focusing on the good things, like the frosting and other superficial reasons, like the attraction, prestige, or power, while sweeping all of the bad things under the rug. Acknowledge red flags. Just like you should nip things in the bud early on and before little issues become big issues, you should also nip yourself in the bud by not dating someone when there’s a good reason to stop.
3. Don’t waste your time or theirs.
Time is valuable. Your time is valuable and so is theirs. It’s imperative to treat others in a manner in which you hope to be treated as well. Why let someone get to know you on a deeper level if you’ve already seen red flags and signs that tell you that you’re wrong for one another, and that things are likely going to go south because of this or that reason that you simply can’t deal with. It’s better to end things sooner rather than later, and definitely before developing deeper feelings for one another.
4. Chemistry and attraction is not enough.
The fire and chemistry must be there, but it won’t compensate if you’re the wrong match for one another. You need to have more in common than attraction. Don’t explore a situation with someone for the wrong reasons. Attraction alone is not a good enough reason. That is, not if you’re looking for something meaningful and with long term potential. You’re not looking to date a great catch, you’re looking for your best possible match, your soulmate, and the one who you can imagine growing old with. You shouldn’t settle for being with someone who looks good on paper or who you view as a perfect catch. Be with someone not just because you make sense together, but because things flow, because you feel happy around them, because you ultimately want the same things, and because you’re truly compatible and share connections on many different levels.
5. For love or money.
Good looks and even frosting gets old fast. Those things don’t last. People get older and their looks will change. Fall in love with someone’s soul. Learn to love their age lines and wrinkles. Love someone for who they are deep within their core. Learn to see a person’s inner beauty. Recognize and embrace an authentic person. Find someone who’s genuine, honest, loving, and who wants to be with you for all of the right reasons. As far as money, power, prestige, and all else goes, having frosting such as luxury and things to enhance your lifestyle simply isn’t going to feel good when you’re with the wrong person. And if you settle for someone for those reasons, I can honestly say that you might end up miserable, and most likely, very lonely. You see, money can’t buy your happiness, and it definitely can’t buy true love. Be with someone who enhances your life, not with someone’s things that will enhance your life. Besides, money comes and goes, but love is something beautiful, rare, and valuable, and way more than any amount of Benjamins.
6. Make sure that you’re on the same page.
Are you dating with marital intentions? If not, what are your intentions. Make them clear to the other person early on. Be honest about everything, including your intentions as to what you want from a person. Only date someone when you see that your intentions are aligned. You should ultimately want the same things in life and be on the same page, and you should also be going at a pace that you’re both comfortable with. In other words, make sure that you have a similar timeline as to future plans.
7. Stop looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right Now
Again, this is just another form of settling. And as I’d said above, never settle. Make room for the right person. The right person can’t find you, if you’re wasting your time with the wrong person. Don’t go out on empty dates, and stop dating someone because things feel good in the moment or temporarily. Sure, live your life like a free bird and live in the moment. But when it comes to dating someone, that is, when you truly hope to find your match, don’t waste your time, money, effort, energy, or your love by being with the wrong person and someone who you know you won’t last with. Just because something feels good in the moment doesn’t mean it will feel good for long. Cut your losses short, and end things when you see you’re wrong for one another.