Every new and promising situation that you go into should be given a genuine chance. The best way to do that is by not bringing in any types of issues, wounds, or baggage from previous relationships. It’s important to give every person that you date a blank, clean slate, and a fresh start. When you bring trust issues into a new situation, it will never end good. You need to have an open heart and be willing to get hurt in order to fall in love. Part of having an open heart is giving your trust to someone. If you’re not willing to give your trust, then you really shouldn’t be dating, or at least not yet.
Exploring new relationships can be fun and exciting. But usually more so, when someone doesn’t bring any baggage with them. But before I go any further, let’s talk about what baggage is. Baggage is a term that used to describe bringing in issues from your past experiences when things were difficult, bad, and unfortunate. Baggage is when you’ve been cheated on before or hurt from someone that you’ve dated or been in a relationship with, and you carry those wounds and issues into your new relationship.
What baggage isn’t, but sometimes considered is having children from a previous marriage or relationship. Folks, heed my words when I tell you this – having children is NOT baggage, and no, I’m not saying this because I have children from a previous marriage. I’m saying it because it’s a fact. If something like a person having children from a previous situation bothers you, then it’s simply not something that you’re open to. But it’s definitely not baggage.
It’s important to trust the person that you’re with, and for them to trust you as well. You should be giving your partner the benefit of the doubt, and if there’s ever a situation where you question your partner’s intentions or motives, then you should politely ask them in a loving and kind manner. But still, let your partner speak their mind, and believe what they say to be true. If your partner is a compulsive liar, then break up with them. But if you’re just used to dating compulsive liars and people that might’ve even cheated on you before, then it’s your own issue, and you have to fix it.
You can’t expect that someone’s going to stick around if you don’t believe them when they tell you things. You need to trust your partner with all of your heart and soul so that your relationship will stand an actual chance. When two people don’t trust each other or even when one person doesn’t trust the other, relationship problems will be never ending. Honesty is everything in a relationship. You should never take that for granted by even saying white lies to your partner.
I’m a big believer in being brutally honest, and even when it’s hard to be. As long as it’s in a kind and loving manner. All we can do is be the best versions of ourselves, and when it comes to relationships, you need to be honest and be willing to trust your partner. If some people can’t handle the truth, it’s not your issue. Just remember that you get what you give in relationships, so if you give your honesty and trust to someone, they should give it back to you fully, and in return.
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Anne…
I’m glad to have found your site. You are so right…going into a new relationship with trust is so important. Bringing our baggage with us instead of our trust only causes negativity. You’re partner may overlook it at first, just to see how things go, but eventually it’s going to be a problem. I made the mistake of bringing the baggage I still had with the ex wife into my new current relationship. I wasn’t even conscious of doing it sometimes, until the GF finally blatantly said, I don’t want to hear your ex’s name anymore. Talk about a reality check.
But I will say this: my current partner also has trust issues because of a past traumatic experience. This caused her to throw up some pretty big walls. Even though it was frustrating at times, especially when we got closer, I decided to be patient because she had potential in so many areas. And currently we’re thriving and have both learned to resolve our trust issues. In fact, it made the bond stronger. So sometimes working through those trust issues helps the two of you to really develop something pretty amazing. I’ve explored this topic in detail on Life with Divorce.
As you state as a must, giving each other the benefit of the doubt first and foremost was what allowed us to get through the initial trust issues and build a lasting friendship. 🙂
Thanks for the post.
Always considered this to be a deal-breaker.