The Desire for Unconditional Love


One of the worst types of love is when it’s conditional. Conditional love is when someone only loves you when you do what they say or think and act how they want. Many people conditionally love their partner, their friends, or even their family and children. Ouch! So you’re saying that some people conditionally love their families and kids? YES, that is precisely what I’m saying.


Some people will tell you that only the love from a parent to a child is unconditional. But I beg to differ. It depends on the parent. And if you’re thinking that what I’m trying to say is that I don’t believe that unconditional love exists, you’re wrong. Not only do I think that it exists, but I love my children unconditionally, and I will love my future husband with that same type of unconditional love. I mean think about it for a second. Why would anyone get married to someone who they don’t intend on loving unconditionally? Exactly! 


Family Love


When it comes to family relationships, believe it or not, things can get quite complicated when a parent loves their child conditionally. Those types of parents have a very particular view of what they feel is right, wrong, and how you should live your life. They tend to be controlling, and when they don’t get their way, they’ll take their love away. That may be unusual for some of you to relate to, but I’m sure that some of my readers will unfortunately be able to relate quite well.


When a parent takes their love away from a child, it’s a way of them trying to control their child from doing certain things. Some parents will threaten to take their love away and even to the point where they’ll disown them if they don’t do as they’re told or obey their rules. In case you were unaware, I’m referring to when those children are over 18. When parents conditionally love their children, they’re changing they’re basically teaching their child to love based on certain conditions. As well, their instilling fear in their child that if they don’t listen and do exactly what their parents say, they will be abandoned, and that the love will be gone.


The types of parents who conditionally love their children are causing possible long term emotional damage to their child(ren), which unless that child(ren) are incredibly resilient and are intelligent enough to know that they’re being conditionally loved and that it’s wrong, they will not only be less independent people and thinkers, but they’ll possibly instill those same types of conditions onto their own children one day.


Another thing that might happen as a result of being conditionally loved by one’s parents, is that they will always try to get the unconditional love that they missed out on in their lives, putting a huge expectation in every person who they’ll explore relationships to love them unconditionally. Now, unless that person is planning on becoming that person’s future spouse, loving someone unconditionally could become quite the challenge, if at all possible. 


Romantic Love


As far as romantic relationships are concerned, real love takes time to develop. So you can’t expect that someone is going to unconditionally love you right away. The longer the relationship, the quality of time spent, including the extent of closeness and intimacy that is shared with one another will all contribute to a couple’s love. But that real love that many, if not most of us yearn for and crave, takes time, or even years to develop.


In relationships, you should NEVER take the next step towards marriage until you feel that the love is completely mutual, and where you can honestly say that you love one another unconditionally. This type of love is very hard to get from anyone. But when you get it, you will feel complete, and you’ll thrive like never before. Now, I know the difference between love, being in love, and being unconditionally loved. And in a nutshell, that’s the order that it happens—Love, in love, then unconditionally loved.


The best advice I can give to those who desire to have unconditional love, is to give it. You will likely be let down at times when you do so, but that’s part of being vulnerable enough to love another person. Having said that, not all relationships are worthy of unconditional love. You just have to decide which ones are worth fighting for, and which ones you should completely put your heart and soul into, and which ones are not.


In marriage, I believe that both people should love one another unconditionally, just as they would love the children that they might possibly share in their future. Just know that because not everyone in this world was raised with or even knows the difference between love, being in love, and what unconditional love even is, they might have a hard time giving it.


If you are currently in a relationship with someone who loves you ONLY if you change, if you do certain things, act a certain way, dress a certain way, or do whatever they tell you, they are conditionally loving you. All I can say to that is—NOT cool, and NOT O.K. Be with the type of person who will love you for you, with all of your flaws, imperfections, and just how you were the day that they met you. People naturally grow and change, and I definitely believe that we should all work on ourselves and strive to be a better version of ourselves every single day. However, someone should love you without trying to change you into someone else. Even when they feel that you’ll be happier or a better person for making those changes.


We should never try to change people in order to fit better into our lives, or so that we will feel happier with their changes. People should desire to change on their own, and not to meet another person’s standards of what they feel is right or a better. Love yourself enough not to settle for someone who will only love you IF you change or do things that they say. The right person will love you just how you are, and they won’t have conditions to that love. Especially, when that person is your soulmate.

Anne Cohen

Founder, Owner, Writer, and Editor at Anne Cohen Writes
Anne Cohen is a lifestyle and relationship blogger based in Los Angeles, CA. Her blogs are Anne Cohen and Anne Cohen Writes. She contributes to various publications including The Huffington Post, Elite Daily, and many more. She's passionate about love, writing, chess, and more than anything, her two kids.

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One thought on “The Desire for Unconditional Love

  1. Yep yep yep! The most powerful 2- letter word in the English language??… “IF”.
    Another jewel of an article Anni. Toda. Stay blessed. Shalom

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