When you’ve been hurt before, which many, if not, most have at some point, you need to learn from it. Past experiences should be used as a way of learning and growing. This goes for when we’ve made mistakes or from when other people have made mistakes and hurt us. But when you have hopes of starting a new relationship, it’s important not to bring in any baggage or wounds that aren’t healed. You can’t be skeptical, paranoid, or overly cautious, thinking that everyone is going to hurt you, just because one or two people might have. You should go into every new situation with a blank clean slate, so that you’re able to give someone a genuine chance.
We need to have an open heart and be willing to risk getting hurt in order to fall in love. No one will be able to fall in love with someone when their heart is closed or when they’re so scared of getting hurt again. This is definitely something that I’ve personally struggled with myself in the past. And this is probably why I ask a lot of questions now before first dates. But I tend to think that it’s better to find out whether you’re on the same page, going at the same time frame, and to make sure that you both ultimately want the same things, before even having a first date.
Things should be kept light on a first date, and you should basically use that date to see if you both have enough chemistry and attraction with one another. Having said that, you should really get a good sense of whether or not someone’s intentions are pure before going on a first date. You can never be 100% sure as to what someone’s real intentions are until you actually give them a shot. This makes many of us vulnerable at times, and especially when we’ve been hurt from previous relationships or situations. But the only way to know if you and another person are going to be a good fit, is if you’re willing to take the risk.
Going on a first date involves two people being completely vulnerable, where they both need to let their guards down enough, so that they can get to know one another on a deeper level. Superficial love, empty attraction, empty intimacy, and anything that you might feel without substance won’t last. You need to be open to building a strong and solid foundation in a relationship, which involves healthy and open communication, honesty, and a connection on as many levels as possible. But if you go into a new situation with fear, you’re never going to know if you and the other person will have any substance together or really be a great match.
You see, without being open or willing to take a risk by letting your guard down so that someone can see the real and authentic you, they’re never going to really get to know who you are, and the same goes vice versa. If another person isn’t willing to let their guard down and be vulnerable enough to let you see who they really are, you’ll never really know if you’d be a good match for one another. The bottom line is, if you want to start something new and you want to give it a real chance at working, you need to let your guard down, be vulnerable, and risk getting hurt so that you can fall in love.
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Basically honesty is everything. I think If we don’t be in a hurry and if we accord our actions with morality, then there is no need to “risk” getting hurt at all to fall in love (because morality stops all parties from hurting each other), and relationship can start from zero and grow smoothly toward a serious everlasting one.