When People Cause Their Own Misery


We all have the power to make our own choices in life. We can choose to do good or bad things, and no one is holding a gun to our heads to go down this path or that one. So basically, we are to blame for our own actions. Therefore, when we make decisions that are impulsive, that aren’t wise, or that aren’t in our best interest, only we are to blame for them if things don’t go the way that we’d prefer. So when it comes to feel unhappy, depressed, or miserable, we need to take responsibility for why we’re feeling that way, because we might just be the cause of our own unhappiness.


Many people blame others for their own actions in life. And this definitely happens a lot in romantic relationships, likely because it’s so convenient, and perhaps it’s even because it’s easier to blame someone else, rather than own up to our own mistakes, putting our ego aside, and realizing that we have a problem or that we’ve done something that wasn’t right. We all make mistakes in life, so there’s no shame in that. But what is shameful and unfortunate, is when people don’t own up to their mistakes. And even worse, when they don’t learn from them, repeating them over, and over again.


It’s important to be able to communicate with one another in a relationship, and when your partner calls you out on your sh**, we shouldn’t feel as if we need to hide in our shell or be in denial of what they’re saying. Especially if they’re addressing certain issues or concerns that they’re feeling we might have. Staying in denial gets us nowhere in life, and it merely ends up making us repeat the same mistakes again and again. We need to learn from our mistakes and grow as individuals, so that we become more enlightened and all around better people.


Another thing that’s truly unfortunate, is that not only many times we don’t own up to our mistakes and learn from them, but we end up causing other people pain by choosing to do wrong instead of right, and those decisions end up affecting people that are closest to us. Like I said before, we all make mistakes, so that’s to be expected in life. But when we’re not willing to change and improve for the better, and when we’re not willing to learn from our mistakes and we decide to take the easy path of denial instead, or even worse, we end up blaming other people for our own actions, we never grow. And the lack of growth, is not only a turn off to other people, but it stunts our growth towards becoming the best version of ourselves, which will result in very few people wanting to spend time with us, or even desire to stay a close part of our life for very long.


Lately, I’ve been posting a lot about how in relationships, when the love is there, anything is possible and how love is enough to make a situation work, because that’s the main foundation of a happy and healthy relationship. But I’ve also written a lot lately about how love is not enough if both people aren’t going to be willing to work hard on improving themselves as individuals, as well as having the will to equally improve their relationship in order to maintain it. Love is usually enough, except for in scenarios as such, where both people aren’t willing to improve.


Denial is never the way to go, and it definitely doesn’t lead to growth in life. We all want to be happy and to have a happy and healthy relationship with someone who we love and trust. But good things take hard work, and a lot of times that hard work starts from fixing ourselves and becoming the best version of ourselves that we can. That’s why I wrote this article, as a little reminder to everyone that when you make mistakes in life, or when you do things that cause yourself or others pain, it’s important to own up to your mistakes, to learn from them, and to be aware and cautious not to repeat them again.


Many times, we are the cause of our own misery. We make decisions in life out of free will. And as I said earlier, no one is holding a gun to our head and making us decide which path to take or what decisions to make. We’re in control of our own actions, and we even have a certain amount of control over our own emotions when we’re in touch with ourselves enough. No one should have that much control over our emotions, were they run the show of how we feel and what our mood or energy level is like. No one should have the power to kill our inspiration, our spirits, or bring us down to their low level of negativity. When we have enough self respect, we won’t let others take control over our emotions or make us feel that affected by their actions or words where we don’t feel inspired.


As individuals, we each need to take the driver’s seat of our own lives, because when someone else is driving our car, they don’t really know what’s best for us, and no one should be able to tell you exactly what you should do in life or how you should act or even what decisions you should be making. You need to run the show for your own life as an individual. And when you’re in a relationship, it takes compromise, and a certain amount of give-and-take, where you both equally feel heard, and where you share responsibilities, and decision-making is something balanced, where you both have a say and an opinion.


Whether you’re single or in a relationship, you need to understand that if you’re feeling unhappy, depressed, or simply miserable, don’t blame others for how you feel. You’re likely causing your own misery by your own actions, your own words, or maybe even because you’re letting other people treat you a certain way, which basically means that you need to have more self-respect. And if lacking self-respect seems to be your biggest issue, then that’s the first step in making a positive change in your life.


But if you’re miserable because of your own actions, and because of the things that you’ve done to other people, which could involve any wrongdoing, or any hurtful words or actions, then you need to fix yourself, be apologetic, show remorse, understand what you did wrong, learn from your ways, grow, and don’t make the same mistakes repeatedly. But sitting there, wallowing in your own misery, because of your own actions is pathetic.
So don’t sit there for one second longer feeling down or depressed. Change yourself for the better. And start to view every single day as a brand-new opportunity to be the best version of yourself, to go after what you want, and to make good and positive decisions in life for you, and for your partner if you’re in a relationship. Always look within when there’s unhappiness in your life, because you could be the cause of it.

Anne Cohen

Founder, Owner, Writer, and Editor at Anne Cohen Writes
Anne Cohen is a lifestyle and relationship blogger based in Los Angeles, CA. Her blogs are Anne Cohen and Anne Cohen Writes. She contributes to various publications including The Huffington Post, Elite Daily, and many more. She's passionate about love, writing, chess, and more than anything, her two kids.

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