After a break-up, many people feel the need or the desire to get over their ex quickly. And many people feel that the best way to get over their ex is to date someone else right away, and at times, even using them as an empty rebound or fling before they’re ready to look for someone who actually has long-term and meaningful potential for them. Many people feel that having a rebound is simply the best method for getting over an ex.

Despite the fact that many people believe having a rebound can help them get over their ex, it’s not the best method, and I don’t recommend it. You see, after a breakup, you need to feel the loss of the other person, you need to mourn the relationship, and you need to heal and work on yourself. You need to figure out what you did wrong in that relationship because nothing is ever one-sided or only one person’s fault. In other words, you need to figure out what you did wrong so that you can make sure that you don’t repeat the same mistakes in your next relationship. And as far as healing goes, it’s essential to healing so that there aren’t any emotional wounds present when you’re dating, hoping to find a connection, and looking for a meaningful relationship.

Being emotionally available is imperative when hoping to start something new. You need to have an open heart, an open mind, and you need to be willing to let your guard down so that you can fall in love with someone. It’s impossible to fall in love with someone, if you’re still hung up on your ex or if you’re still feeling the residual pain from a previous relationship. Dating someone before you’re ready is just cruel and thoughtless if you ask me. Nothing is worse than when people date before they’re ready because they’re almost always emotionally unavailable. As well, they almost always have some form of emotional wall or protective barrier up to guard themselves from feeling anything that would resemble sincere and genuine emotions, and in the process, they usually end up causing others pain.

When anyone goes into a new situation, it’s imperative to let your guard down and to be open to falling in love so that you’ll give a situation a genuine chance. Otherwise, you’re just setting yourself up for failure, because no one can fall in love when they’re not ready or open to it. As well, you have to risk getting hurt, and although no one wants to feel pain or experience heartache, if you’re not willing to risk getting hurt by letting your guard down, then you’re likely not going to be able to fall in love.

When people date before they’re emotionally ready, part of them is usually closed off and doesn’t view things in the same light that they would have if their heart was open. This is one of the biggest reasons that it takes someone so long to find someone who they really like after a breakup. You see, many times people end up dating very quickly after a breakup, and perhaps even using people or having rebounds. And in the process, they see that those relationships or those dates never really lead to serious, long-term, or meaningful relationships where they shared connections on many different levels with someone.

Even the desire to get to know someone on a deeper level won’t be as present when your heart’s not really in it or when you can’t connect with anyone on an emotional level. It’s imperative to be able to connect with someone on as many levels as possible, and you should be willing to get to know them on a deeper level where you can share your goals, your dreams, and your innermost thoughts. You can’t do any of that when your heart’s not really in a situation, and you definitely can’t have all of that when you’re emotionally unavailable or simply not ready to date. Again, this is why it’s imperative to give yourself an adequate amount of healing time before jumping into anything new.

There are many people that think the only way to get over someone is to date other people very quickly and to simply put themselves out there. And although on some level, I agree with that, there must be enough healing time before you do so. Otherwise, you might start viewing things differently, distorted even, and you might pass up on that one special someone who could be your best possible match, and simply because you put yourself out there before you were ready. I mean think about it, can you imagine finally getting to meet the love of your life, you know, that one special someone who you were destined to be with, and then you end up hurting them, because part of you can’t connect emotionally and you’re still feeling residual pain from your past relationship? And now you end up hurting this amazing, incredible person in the process? O.K., O.K., so maybe I’m going overboard here, but you get my drift.

If you date before you’re ready, you might end up hurting other people, because their hearts are likely open, they’re ready to date, and they might be looking for something meaningful and with long-term potential. And if you tell people that you’re emotionally available, that you’re happy with your break up, and even if it was recent, that you’re more than ready to move on and find your best possible match, you’re simply lying to yourself if you didn’t take some alone time, and give yourself some room and space to breathe, to think, to heal, and to figure out what you did wrong in your past relationship so that you won’t repeat it. Remember, giving yourself enough time to heal is part of going through a breakup.

I actually do believe in destiny, in fate, and in what’s meant to be—will be, despite how mushy or fairytale-like that may seem to some people. But I also believe that we make our own decisions in life, and we need to take care of ourselves first and foremost. We need to be whole as a person, healed, and be willing to give someone new a blank, clean, fresh slate. Every new person that you date and every new relationship that you explore deserves to have a clean slate. You shouldn’t be bringing in any baggage from your past.

We all need to work on ourselves as individuals, and not bring in issues from our past or wounds that haven’t been healed yet, into new situations. You don’t want to mess up something that could be promising and beautiful, just because you dated a person too soon, and before you were ready. Give yourself enough time to heal and recover from past experiences, and make sure that you’re emotionally ready and available so that you can find the type of love that you’re looking for.

As far as how much time it takes to heal, it simply depends on the person, as well as on how much time they spent together, how close they felt to one another, and what they experienced within their relationship. Some relationships might not be that hard to get over, whereas others might’ve been so intense, passionate, and filled with love, and the pain and heartache might weigh very heavy on one’s soul that they need a lot of healing time. It simply depends on the person and the situation at the end of the day. You shouldn’t have expectations that you should get over a situation very quickly, simply because someone you know did, because that’s unrealistic and you shouldn’t compare. But also, maybe you’re expecting too much of yourself. Give yourself a break, and let yourself become whole again before you put yourself out there. Love yourself enough that you take some alone time, even if it’s for a week or two.

Anyone can move on quickly from a relationship if they want to. And for some people, moving on quickly is not only easy but as I said before, it’s what many people do, so that they don’t feel the pain from their past relationship. But the problem is, that pain won’t heal unless you give yourself time to heal. Sweeping your feelings under the rug, getting all dolled up, sexy, and going out, ignoring that you just had a big break up, isn’t going to take away the pain when you’re sober when you’re alone, and when you’re not keeping yourself busy. Anyone can mask pain if they know how, but masking pain doesn’t heal pain, and if you truly hope to find a loving, healthy, happy, and meaningful relationship with someone, then you need to let yourself heal before you date.

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Anne Cohen

Founder, Owner, Writer, and Editor at Anne Cohen Writes

Anne Cohen is an entrepreneur, as well as a lifestyle and relationship writer based in Los Angeles, CA. She started writing on arcwrites.blogspot.com and shortly after created AnneCohenWrites.com. She has contributed to various publications including The Huffington Post, Elite Daily, and many more. She's passionate about love, living a healthy lifestyle, writing, chess, and more than anything, her two kids.

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