When you’re single and hoping to find that one special someone, you open yourself up to dating and meeting new people, with hopes to see if you’re the right match for one another. In the process, you’ll come across many different types of people. Sometimes the people that you date will treat you as a priority and make you feel special, and sometimes, they’ll make you feel as if you’re the flavour of the week, one of many, and anything, but one in a million.
People tend to show others how much they care and respect them through their words and actions. As well, they show you how they feel and just how much they care and respect you by how willing they are to take the time to get to know you. They’ll show you in many ways. One way that people will show you, is by going at a pace that’s comfortable for you, and by not pressuring you into doing things or feeling things before you’re ready. They’ll also make the time for you, which is really a huge way of knowing that someone cares.
It’s important to keep a few things in mind when dating someone new. First of all, you should treat people how you want to be treated yourself. In other words, treat people with respect, courtesy, love, kindness, understanding, and as if they’re a priority to you. But not only should you treat someone as if they’re a priority to you, you should make sure that you’re not making another person feel as if they’re one of many options you have. But more so, you should treat someone as if they’re one in a million. And not only when you know for a fact that the person is “the one.” Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness, love, and respect. Treating someone like a priority is simply a form of being respectful, courteous, and kind. And at the end of the day, what is kindness? And what is respect? Kindness is love. Respect is love too.
No one wants to be one of the bunch of people who you’re dating and getting to know. Nowadays, so many people are using online dating sites and apps as a tool to meet someone to date or start a relationship with. They’re swiping right so much that there’s a term for it, called auto-swiping. And believe it or not, there’s not only one, but there are many apps specifically designed to auto-like or auto-swipe right everyone on a dating site. This is horrible, because it only adds to the toxic effect of dating sites, and how easy it is to move on to the next person when one person isn’t perfect, or even worse, if someone is merely looking to hookup or use people.
Now, I’ve written many times about online dating, the pros and the cons, and I even have a section on both of my blogs specifically for online dating. So by now, if you’ve been reading my articles, you probably have a pretty good idea that I view online dating sites as pretty much toxic, and mostly so, because of the grass is greener effect that they have when used in the wrong manner. Online dating sites and apps can be a great way to meet someone when used the right way.
But unfortunately, many people seem to have mistaken dating sites and apps for a different type of world or setting where people’s feelings don’t matter, where no one feels pain or hurt from being rejected, and where you can easily lie, manipulate, and be as fake and phony as you want, and not only get away with it, but you can have nearly any motive that you want in order to attain a person’s love and trust, and then as Dave Chappelle would say, “gotcha bitch.”
If you don’t know the reference, he’s hilarious comedian, and I highly suggest you Google the skit (after reading the rest of this of course). But my point is, that dating sites can be great when used in a way where when you meet a person, and when both people feel enough potential, they simultaneously deactivate their dating sites, and explore a situation with the person so that they can get to know them on a deeper level and see if they’re truly a good match for one another.
These days, some people will go on a date with you, and maybe even contact you afterwards, saying how much they like you and desire to see you again. And they disappear for a couple weeks, or a month even, and then suddenly act all interested again. To those who do this, I could say that,” I don’t get it,” but the truth is, I do get it. Usually people who do this are selfish, thinking of their own feelings, are all that interested (despite what they’ll tell you), aren’t looking for anything too serious, long term, or meaningful, and they might even be emotionally unavailable.
These types will usually make endless excuses as to why they can’t see you or spend as much time with as they’d like. Ehem, when someone is interested, they make the time, and they’ll always treat you like a priority. It’s ridiculous how these days many people will say this and that to gain your love and trust, and that, Bam! They’ll have their heart in their pocket the whole time, revealing only enough to build your trust and make you believe their empty words. Meanwhile, their heart is stuffed so low in their pocket, that they nor you likely couldn’t even tell that there was a hole at the bottom, and their empty words lacked complete emotion all along, and not merely dishonesty.
And hey, don’t be that guy or girl who sticks around, while they’re making their endless excuses, and endlessly wait, hoping, praying, and wishing that they’ll either change their ways, give you more attention, and suddenly make you a priority. Don’t gamble your love or time on a person who now has a track record of treating you like an option. Say Next! And mean it.
As well, don’t let someone play with your head and your emotions, leading you on with false hopes. But also, don’t give yourself delusional false hopes thinking that things will change at some point. Be with someone who appreciates you from the get go. People don’t treat you like an option, and then one day, suddenly wake up with an epiphone, thinking, “Oh man, this person is amazing! What a soul. What a pure and decent soul! I better hold onto this one.” Um, unfortunately, that’s not how things usually play out. Don’t waste your time.
Going back to what I was saying about some problems in the dating scene, I’d like to add one more thing that’s not only important to be aware of, but to make sure that you’re not falling for this type of person. We all need to love and respect other people, but we also need to love and respect ourselves, as well as know our self-worth and know that we’re worthy of being loved, and to the fullest extent possible. We should never be half-ass loved.
I don’t know about you, but I sure as hell don’t want to be loved half-assed, where someone only shows me love, attention, and affection when they want something from me. I can honestly say that this is one of the worst things that people do in the dating scene today. And I can’t imagine that I’m only experiencing being treated by some people like an option or a last resort, because I’ve been dating in the Los Angeles dating scene for some time. I think that LA has a huge grass is greener effect, and even without using online dating sites/apps. I’m going to have to assume that this is simply something that’s unfortunate about the dating scene in general, despite where one lives.
What I’m basically trying to say, is that someone you’re dating should treat you as a priority, and they should care about getting to know you on a deeper level. Someone who really wants to date you, will care about getting to know you, and without trying to gain something from you. They won’t have ulterior motives, and they’ll put effort into everything in order to attain your love and trust. This is one of the biggest ways of knowing that someone is truly interested in you, and for all of the right reasons.
When someone wants to date you and get to know you on a deeper level, they’ll not only put in a whole lot of effort, but they’ll make the time for you—even if they’re crazy busy, and they won’t treat you like an option, but they’ll treat you like a priority, just like everything else that’s important to them in their lives. This is something that we all need to remember when dating someone, because we should all be treated with that type of love and respect.
Don’t ever settle for being with someone who has nothing better to do, and then decides to send you a late night text message or decides to give you a call when their other plans don’t happen and don’t fall through for whatever reasons. Don’t let someone treat you like an option. And you’ll likely know when someone is treating you in such away by many things. So be aware of those late night text messages, or when someone who ghosted you or oddly enough, asks you on occasional dates gives you a phone call out of the blue, asking you to go out, but then doesn’t respond to you or cancels on you last minute. people need to remove their crowns, get off of their high horses, and stop treating others as if they’re desperate or unworthy of being respected. Weird. Next!
Don’t fall for someone’s game, because unfortunately, many people, if not most people, are not only out for themselves, but have ulterior motives, and will only contact you, try to date you, and make the time for you when it’s convenient for them, when their other plans don’t fall through, when they’re feeling lonely, or when they have nothing better to do. Oh please and oh brother! Love yourself more than to date someone who treats you like that.
Don’t be someone’s last resort, option, booty call (excuse my French), or the type of person who doesn’t value themselves, by putting up with bad treatment. Know your worth, and don’t ever forget, not even for one measly second, that you’re worthy of being loved, that you’re worthy of being respected, and that you deserve to be with your best possible match, and that one special someone who will love you, adore you, and do so with pure and good intentions, and in the most selfless and loving way possible.
And last but not least, don’t ever settle for being with someone, because you’re feeling lonely, because you have nothing better to do, or because your plans don’t or didn’t fall through. It’s so important to treat people as we want to be treated ourselves. So when you know that you’re not interested in someone, don’t waste your time or theirs. And don’t mislead people by making them feel that you’re interested, when you’re not.
Be a good person, be the best version of yourself, and if you’ve been treated badly by someone in the past, where someone else might’ve made you feel unworthy of love, inadequate, or as if you didn’t deserve to get their full or even partial attention on a date, don’t become like them and treat people as you were treated. Be self-aware and resilient from any bad experiences that you’ve gone through, and use them as tools to become better than what you’ve experienced, and how you were treated. And learn to recognize that when someone treats you in such a manner, don’t stick around. But also, learn from it in a way where you treat others with more respect, love, and as if their time and feelings matter.
Latest posts by Anne Cohen (see all)
- 5 Ways to Create a Romantic Vibe in the Bedroom - September 30, 2018
- How to Get the Clearest Skin You’ve Ever Had - September 14, 2018
- Dream Big, Don’t Settle, and Go After What You Really Want - September 10, 2018