You can say that you’re a certain type of person, but if you don’t act like that type of person, no one is going to see you as that type. For example, you can say that you’re a gentleman, but if you use a lot of profanities, vulgar, and foul language or if you say a lot of inappropriate things or ask inappropriate questions early on, or even if you ask for inappropriate pictures to be sent to you before even meeting (supposing that you’re using online dating to meet someone or maybe even a blind date), people aren’t going to think that you have good manners, let alone, consider you to be a gentleman. There’s simply nothing gentlemanly about doing things like that.
Obviously, that’s merely one example. Another example could be that someone may consider themselves to be a giving, loving, and a warm person, but from their actions, they come across as cold, unaffectionate, or even distant in different ways. I can even use an example of someone who claims to be brutally honest, and as well, claims to have an open book mentality and approach when dating or exploring relationships. However, just because a person says that they’re honest and perhaps only discloses certain things to you (keeping you in the dark for the most part), they may think that they’re being honest and open book, but in reality, they’re not only closed book and dishonest, but many times, they’re the biggest liars of them all.
My point is, you may see yourself as a certain way, or in a certain light, but in reality, if your actions aren’t aligned with your words, you’re not that way. Many people hope to become the best version of themselves, and believe in self-improvement, striving to be a better person each and every day. But, and yes, I said BUT, just because someone has the desire, and even though that’s a really good thing, it doesn’t necessarily mean that a person is in fact who or what they claim to be.
Your actions and words need to be aligned. So just because you desire to be a certain way, doesn’t mean that you are that certain way. When you tell someone that you’re a certain way and you’re not that certain way, you’re basically lying to them, misleading them, and not acting as your authentic self. Another example I could give you would be when someone wants to be a good person so much, that they think that their actions are pure and good. And at times, they want their actions to be pure and good so much, that they create this delusion in their minds, where they truly believe that their intentions are good, even when they’re not.
I’ve dated my share of bad guys, and by bad guys, I don’t mean the typical bad boy who rides a Harley and has a bunch of tattoos, and I also don’t mean someone who’s a bad person. But more so, I’m referring to the types who claim to have pure intentions, who are honest, and open book, but end up being a completely different person who tends to be quite the opposite. These types of people ended up not only having bad intentions and ulterior motives, but many times, they’ve turned out to be the types who made promises, but never kept them, the types that will tell you that they do or don’t do certain things, and then you find out the truth later on (and many times, on your own, and without them admitting to or ever owning up to them). They’ve been the types who will tell you that they’re a certain way and that they’re going to do certain things, but they never do. They’re also the types who claim to be honest, pure, faithful, and giving, but they end up being none of the above.
It hasn’t been a fun ride experiencing the dating scene in Los Angeles, and I’m well aware that it might have something to do with using online dating as a tool to meet someone. As well, it probably has something to do with going after the same types of people over and over again. I’ve gotten very familiar to one particular promise that has been made to me multiple times, and by different people who say something like, “I’ll make it up to you.” I’ve seen it all, and yes, this is probably why it’s so easy for me to write about relationships and why the articles just keep coming, and coming. And yes, I’ve learned from my mistakes, and Thank G-d for that!
For me and many others, honesty is everything. Something that I’ve seen in many of the people who I’ve dated here in Los Angeles, are that many people not only break their word and don’t keep their promises, but many people will promise you the world. Not literally, no, but they will promise so many things, and act as if their intentions are pure. They’ll be takers, and many times, they’ll watch you give, give, and give, but they’ll never give back in return, and they’ll never put effort into anything, even if by some chance to they do give. And no, I’m not jaded, and I don’t believe that everyone is this way. But damn, if I haven’t met my share who are!
Many people are very one sided when it comes to relationships. And many people feel that their relationships are not one-sided because they see themselves in a certain light, and delusionally, and perhaps because they have “the desire” to be a better person, they see themselves as the person that they hope to be. But the problem is, that they’re not the person that they’re claiming to be.
Many people see themselves as being that honest, and giving type, who has pure intentions, but because they don’t have those qualities or those intentions, even though they see themselves that way, when they explore a relationship with someone, the relationship ends up being lopsided, or one-sided, where the other person feels as if they’re doing all of the giving, while you’re just taking and receiving all of the time. Yuck! Has anyone else experienced a relationship like that? Relationships are all about being selfless, giving, and where you not only have pure intentions in your heart, but when your actions speak for themselves.
Someone left a comment on one of my articles today, asking, “How can I have pure intentions?”, So I thought I could answer that question here, but more so, expand on it, and write a little bit about what the difference is between having pure intentions from simply being a good person.
Well for starters, as I previously mentioned above, it’s not about being a good person when it comes to having good intentions. But when someone is a good person, generally, they tend to be kind, and they’ll strive to be the best version of themselves. And this especially goes for when someone is emotionally balanced, and psychologically, in a healthy state of mind. When someone is a good person, they tend to not want to hurt other people, to keep their promises, to be honest, and to be sensitive to other people and their feelings.
When it comes to having pure intentions, it’s more so about whether or not you are who you say you are, you act like your authentic self, and your motives are pure. It means that when you say that you’re a certain way or that you’re going to do certain things, it’s not only words, but your actions will speak for themselves. The best way to have pure intentions, is to first and foremost, be honest with yourself about what you want. In other words, you need to know what you want, at least to some degree. This can be used for anything in life, but especially when you’re hoping to date someone or find a meaningful and long-lasting relationship.
Once you know what you want, you need to make sure that your actions and words are both aligned, you need to be honest with yourself and with others, you should be authentic, not play games, and not pretend to be someone who you’re not. When someone has pure intentions, they tend to be real, genuine, and authentic. They don’t have ulterior or selfish motives, and they care about how they make other people feel. As well, people who have pure intentions will usually do everything in their power to keep their word, and will even go out of their way to follow through with what they say.
The best advice that I could give to someone who wants to have pure motives, is to not only be a good person, and to be the best version of yourself, but to figure out what you want in a partner, and make sure that you’re capable of being that person or providing those things, and especially if you make certain promises. And last but not least, just because you see yourself a certain way or hope to be a certain way, it doesn’t mean that you are that way. And if you say you are that way to other people, it’s considered lying and being dishonest. Be honest with yourself, and be proud of the fact that you’re on the right track if you even have that desire within you to be a better person. But having the desire to be good or to be better is not enough. Your desire should not only be aligned with your words, but with your actions as well.
You can think or say whatever you want, and even have the desire to be a certain way, but at the end of the day, actions will always speak louder than words.
Latest posts by Anne Cohen (see all)
- 27 Ways to Know You’re With the Right Person - April 21, 2018
- Dating Advice – Why Mind Games Are a Waste of Time - April 13, 2018
- Dating Advice – Why It’s Important to Follow Through With Your Intentions - April 7, 2018