What’s Needed Before Going Back to an Ex

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There’s nothing to fix in a new relationship. New relationships involve building and maintaining. But once you’ve dated or explored a relationship with someone, and it didn’t work out for different reasons, it can be much harder to fix, that is, if both people wanted to try. When it comes to going back to an ex, it’s much harder to create another clean slate, although it is possible. In this article, I wanted to share my thoughts about what’s needed if you’re considering going back to an ex.


New Beginnings Must Have a Clean Slate, Even If It’s with an Ex


When a couple meets and starts dating or even when a couple explores a brand new relationship, they’re given a chance to do things right from the get go and from the very start. When you date someone new, both people are given a gift. And this is the type of gift that shouldn’t be taken for granted. This gift that I’m referring to, is what I like to call a blank clean slate. What this gift—what this blank clean slate provides, is a brand new start. A chance at having everything flow and work out beautifully and with the least amount of problems. A brand new start has no mistakes, no reasons to be apologetic, no reasons to feel guilty, and no reasons to need a second chance. People need to take new beginnings seriously, and appreciate having a blank clean slate.


The same thing goes as far as life and in every situation. Brand new beginnings and clean slates shouldn’t be taken for granted. You see, we’re given the chance for a new beginning and a fresh start every single day that we wake up in the morning. And to be honest with you, we’re actually given that chance at any moment that we want to start fresh. But the problem is, that many times people don’t realize that they’re given a new chance at any time that they desire one. But not only that, many people take new beginnings for granted and they act carelessly, selfishly, and throw caution to the wind and could care less in some moments about consequences. And sometimes, people don’t put enough love, effort, or hard work into being the best version of themselves, and when it comes to how they act to their partner or in their relationship.


We should never take new beginnings for granted, and we should always try your best to make things work by being the best version of ourselves, and by being selfless, kind hearted, thoughtful, understanding, respectful, nurturing and a giving person. We should make sure that we’re doing our share of things when we’re dating or in a relationship with someone, and that we’re not acting selfishly, where everything seems one-sided and the other person is doing all of the work, and all of the giving. Make sure that you you’re being fair to the person you’re with. And ask yourself, what can you do to improve and be a better partner.


Be Sure That It’s Worth It Before Going Back to an Ex


When it comes to going back to an ex, it’s truly a big decision that must be well thought out. And to be honest, most of the time, it’s not really the best of ideas or even worth the hard work and effort. Most people feel that going backwards in life is horrible thing, and especially, when it comes to dating or exploring a past relationship with someone. Many people feel that going back to an ex is basically the same thing as going backwards.


Many people feel that because things didn’t work out the first time around, they won’t work again. And many times, people were given many chances to make things right, but didn’t do anything about it. At the time, perhaps they lacked the love, the effort, the knowledge, and even the desire to fix and improve things. And many times, they didn’t show any love or dedication towards maintaining what they had. Sometimes people don’t care enough to appreciate the clean slate (the gift) that they have in the very beginning. And some people never even try to fix or improve things when or if they’re given a chance to the first time around. And because of this, many people don’t feel that an ex deserves another chance. But sometimes, and I repeat, sometimes, when the will, the love, and the fire is still there and is still burning strong, it’s worth the fight. Having said that, going back to an ex is NOT going backwards, IF you both make the needed changes and are willing to improve things that were issues for you before. 


Many people hold onto anger and feel bitter or resentful for pain and discomfort that they’d experienced with their ex. Therefore, they don’t have the desire to try things again. Mostly, it’s because of all of the anger clouding up the love, passion, and desire that they felt towards the other person. And although talking and having open communication truly helps, it’s not always enough. And it’s also not always enough when you or they have shown remorse for any shortcomings or mistakes. Talking and being apologetic doesn’t always heal you or the other person enough. And it doesn’t necessarily bring back that desire that you or they might’ve once felt, to want to explore a close situation again. It really depends on the person, the situation, and just how much love was there.

 

3 Things It Takes to Give a Situation Another Shot


At times, I do feel that couples can open up the book of past love, and explore an old situation, but it takes a few things. First of all, it takes both people desiring and being willing to sit down and have a heart to heart talk. Couples need to develop healthy and open communication with one another. Couples should freely and openly be able to sit down and discuss their past dating experience or relationship together and what went wrong, and talk about how they can both fix things, improve things, and move forward, so that they’re not simply going back into the same old situation that didn’t work the first time around.


The second thing that it would take for couples to explore an old relationship, is mutual desire. And what I mean by mutual desire, is not solely the fact that they both should want and desire to explore being together again. But even more so, the fact that it takes a certain amount of love and passion that both people should feel for one another. And deep enough, that it would be worth it to give things another shot. In other words, both people should think long and hard about reconciliation and exploring a situation from their past. And this includes all of the possible consequences that could arise if things didn’t work out again—Heaven forbid.


And the third thing that I would suggest and that I truly feel is completely necessary if a couple is even remotely thinking about exploring a past situation, is forgiveness. Once couples have open communication, as I’d stated is mandatory, they should both have a forgiving heart, and completely forgive and let go of the past, including all mistakes.
Many times, couples make the mistake of continuously bringing up the past, and talking way too much about what went wrong, and they do so after they’d had the makeup talk and had already started rekindling the love. But they truly need to be willing to give each other a clean slate for a beautiful new beginning if they explore being together again. 


Couples that want to explore a situation with their ex, need to treat their relationship like it’s a brand new relationship altogether, rather than as if it’s a relationship with an ex. They shouldn’t bring up the past after it’s been talked about. And especially, after someone is already showing signs of improvement by putting effort and love into things. Which brings us back to the main point of this article, how important a clean slate is and why people shouldn’t take them for granted.

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Anne Cohen

Founder, Owner, Writer, and Editor at Anne Cohen Writes
Anne Cohen is a lifestyle and relationship blogger based in Los Angeles, CA. Her blogs are Anne Cohen and Anne Cohen Writes. She contributes to various publications including The Huffington Post, Elite Daily, and many more. She's passionate about love, writing, chess, and more than anything, her two kids.

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