There’s nothing I hate more in life than to see a woman in a shitty relationship. I’ve had more women friends in my life than I could count naked ten times over, and more than a few of them have put themselves in situations where they stayed with guys who have made them miserable. And why? Because they clung to the self-delusion that they were ‘in love’ and could ‘change’ their partners into being their mythical ‘soulmate’.
Listen, ladies- I really don’t enjoy bursting your bubble, but I’m going to hit you with a very sobering truth: If you’re with a guy who makes you feel more miserable than loved, YOU’RE A DOORMAT. The guy you’re with doesn’t love you. You’re either one of three things: an object, a convenience, or a possession.
Believe it or not, I know what it’s like to be in a shitty relationship. I was married to one of the most horrid women in existence. Somebody who was like a character from a Hitchcock film: insecure, abusive, accusatory, and just plain psychotic. The only reason I stayed in it as long as I did is because of two reasons- one, I was stupid, and two, I married her. Since I made that vow, I did everything possible to make it work, but nothing I did made any kind of difference. So when I got my chance to leave, I took off so fast, I practically left a trail of flames behind me.
That being said, I wanted to give you a handy list of signs that you may be in a crappy relationship.
1. His family and his friends hate you.
Meeting the nearest and dearest is never easy in the beginning of a relationship, but if a guy is totally into you, he will rave to his friends and family like you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread. Provided they’re the accepting types and you don’t come off like a complete bitch, most of the time, it’s not that big a deal. But there are some groups of people that judge you based on your status, background, or level of education. That’s when you’re in the danger zone. Though your boyfriend may tell you he doesn’t care what they think, it’s not true. The truth is, a guy values his family’s opinion- the last thing he wants is to isolate himself from them because of you. It will be the same thing with his friends; if they don’t like you, he’ll be less inclined to hang with them because of any potential friction. That, and they’ll talk smack about you every chance they get. You’ll end up being the object of resentment.
2. You cater to his ego because he’s insecure.
I don’t know about most guys, but I like being with a strong woman. When I fall for a girl like that, I want her to be my partner and my backbone- the thing that inspires me to go beyond what I think I’m capable of. But some guys feel the need to make their girlfriends stand in place of their mother because they need constant reassurance. If a guy gets into a relationship thinking you’re too good for him, chances are, he’s probably right. A confident guy, whether he actually is or not, will do everything he can to either prove it or show it every moment you’re together. An insecure guy will be needy and always feel the need to check up on you just in case the day ever comes when you wake up and realize, “Hey, maybe I can do better than my boyfriend!” Whatever you do, don’t cut yourself down to build up his ego. That ain’t right. There is NO justification to shred your self-esteem for the sake of some loser who can’t realize his own self-worth.
3. He only wants you at his convenience.
Relationships are a two-way street. If there really is love between two people, they will make time for one another. Now, I am fully aware that stuff happens and people get busy, but when you’re dating a guy who constantly breaks dates and calls you up at the last minute for a date or asks you to come over to his place- Girls, YOU’RE A BOOTY CALL, not a girlfriend. Even spending a weekend with a guy is not a relationship. It’s just an extended booty call. You can call it what you want, but that’s all it really is. Don’t kid yourself. Plus, if he buys you gifts as a ‘little token of his love’, it isn’t- it’s a way of placating you and keeping you on the hook.
4. Treating you like shit becomes the norm.
I’m going to give you a gift straight out of the Dude’s Handbook- if you’re dating a hot girl and you want to keep her, treat her like SHIT. An insecure girl isn’t going anywhere for two reasons- she’s afraid of losing you and will do anything to make the relationship work. If a guy tells you you’re not giving him enough attention, don’t be surprised if you end up becoming his lapdog in order to please him. Guys use this tactic to keep you off your game so that you’ll do what we want when we want it. We’re not stupid- we know it’s the easiest thing for you to find somebody else at the drop of a hat. But if you labor under the delusion that you’ve found the ‘love of your life’, we know you’ll do everything short of base-jumping off the Empire State Building to make us happy.
5. Break up, make up, rinse, repeat.
This is another tactic guys use to deal with women we like having around for convenience but don’t want to be in a serious relationship with. We’ll blow a minor grievance out of proportion, or make something up, or say we ‘need some space because you’re all up in my face’. Then after a certain amount of time, we’ll call you up and make a bullshit apology, whisper some sweet nothings, and go through the cycle as many times as we can get away with it.
Does ANY of this sound familiar to you? Seriously, if you’ve put up with any type of BS like this, you may as well head on over to the tattoo parlor and have the word, ‘welcome’ inked onto your back. If you’re in a shitty romantic situation, that’s your business, but at least have the sense to read this, think it over and consider if any of it applies to you. If the answer is yes, then maybe you’re not with the right guy.
I’m sorry if I sound like a downer, but I’m of the opinion that EVERY woman deserves the kind of love that makes her feel special, as though there’s only one man in existence who looks at her like she’s the best thing that ever happened to him.
You deserve nothing less.