Reasons NOT to Use Online Dating to Meet Your Match

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The men are married, separated (same thing), liars (nearly all of them), and how can I forget – emotionally unavailable. There have been so many crazies, and all sites are pretty much the same but with different gimmicks. However, at one point I thought Bumble was the better of online dating sites “except for their gimmick of women killing chivalry by having to make the first move.” Many of the men I’ve talked to or met have been completely off emotionally, not to mention wanting or “expecting” intimacy—AND EARLY ON, even before the third date and before being exclusive.


Bumble simply contributes to the toxicity of “the grass is greener effect” which is what all online dating sites and apps promote. That’s why online dating sites usually allow you to match with people or send messages, but once you do, they instantly suggest that you keep swiping or matching with someone else. As well, once you match with someone or send a message, they quickly ask you if you’d like to meet some of the same types of people who you just connected with. You see, dating sites want to make money because it’s a business and having you find true love and leave quickly won’t make them more money.


Giving online dating sites the benefit of the doubt (not that they should get one), but let’s say that I’m being optimistic for a second and suggesting to look at what they’re gaining from people leaving the site, and finding true love sooner… At most, people would spread the word that they found someone special on a dating site. Having said that, unfortunately, a big portion of people who meet in an online dating site has admitted to being somewhat ashamed of how they met and they even joke or in jest tell one another, “Let’s tell people we met somewhere else.” So you can see, it’s not necessarily a selling point where bumble or other dating sites should depend on people spreading the word when they fall in love from their site.


I’m not saying that you can’t or won’t meet your soulmate or someone special in an online dating site, because the truth is, I really do believe in true love and I hope that everyone can find that one special someone who they can spend forever with. This is just my own personal experience, as well as many of the experiences that I’ve heard firsthand from many of the men on the sites, as well as many of the women who’ve had complaints and bad experiences.


Behind Closed Doors


Back in the day, many of us thought of dating sites as the forbidden fruit that you should never explore, and that the types of people who use online dating to meet people must be completely nuts and wackos, because everyone in an online dating site must be crazy somehow. But then I think how there are a certain amounts of people who are actually honest and decent and looking for something very meaningful, and they use online dating because they’re busy and whatnot, because they’re not into the bar and club scene, or simply because it takes away some of the anxiety away when meeting people in person at a grocery store or a coffee shop.


There are good people who are decent and normal who use online dating, including bumble. Having said that, seen the kinds of crazy that I have personally seen firsthand who I’ve met from online dating sites, have been probably 80/20. And isn’t that the new 80/20 diet where you eat healthy 80% of the time and you let go and indulge about 20%? I think so. The point is that there is more than a little weeding out one must do when choosing to meet someone who they met online.


I have met many emotionally unavailable guys, liars, people with gambling problems, players, men who I went on dates with after having a first phone call, including texting back-and-forth and sending recent pictures. Almost every man online will tell you their reason or excuse for lying on their profile when it comes to their age, but in a nutshell, they want to find someone in a younger range and they lie, thinking it will benefit them. I was 19 once, and I’ll tell ya, I would never date a liar.


I’ve met the types who say they want the same things such as having children in the future and then change their minds completely or have had an operation and can’t have kids but don’t tell you until you already go out a couple of times. Let’s not forget the men who claim to be separated or divorced, yet confess down the line that they are currently married, then I happen to coincidentally (Thank you God for showing me the light) walk into the same restaurant where you see them having a romantic meal meanwhile claiming to be under the weather—I think not.


I’ve met people who were so nuts, and one case in particular where a guy insisted to show me his home after our third date. Going to someone’s home isn’t really a big deal depending on if you know them and just how much, as well as knowing the intent ahead of time, which I thought I did because we discussed it and agreed that nothing was gonna happen and it was just for about five minutes. Little did I know how angry he was because that night at dinner we talked a lot and discovered that our timetables didn’t match up and it looked pretty much as if we were going to cuts our losses short and call it quits. Having said that, I agreed to still see his place. Big mistake.


Within five to ten minutes of being at his place, he poured us a drink and gave me a tour. After the tour, I noticed my purse and phone were gone and I went all around his place looking for it, and then he locked me in his bathroom. Yes, locked me inside. No idea how but he was strong and I didn’t see it coming. Next thing you know, I’m frantic and screaming for him to let me out, and shortly after, the door was unlocked or perhaps he let go and I ran for the front door, walked to some fire station. He was a gambler who claimed it was part of his business, but again, I think not.


There are obviously more details to all of these experiences I’ve had, but they seem irrelevant. I’ve learned and grown from them all. And although still a bit freaked out from that last doozy, I still wanted to share some of it here so that anyone reading this will be cautious when using online dating sites and apps. That situation could have gotten a lot worse.


And if I wasn’t the type of person who for some odd reason still after many bad experiences had so much hope and believe in true love and happily ever after, I would’ve given up long ago. But the problem is, for many people, they’re not as resilient, they lose hope, and they start becoming jaded and giving up on things that they truly want and perhaps used to think that they deserved.


Online dating sites like bumble and all of the rest of them make it so the disappearing act or ghosting is easier. And the same goes for being dishonest, including the pictures you post, your age, and what you write on your profile. It makes lying not such a big deal, but it really is.


For those who use online dating sites like Bumble, Tinder, and Match, I’m not saying that you should get off, deactivate, hide, and delete your profiles, but actually, yes, I am saying that. Hey, it’s just my opinion.


I Was Blocked From Some Dating Sites


Last but not least, I think it’s important to disclose that bumble, as well as some other sites such as match and tinder, have made it so that you have the ability to not only block someone but to report their account. My issue with this is, that people who get a lot of messages in an online dating site don’t and shouldn’t respond to everyone unless they’re absolutely interested. There’s no need to send hundreds of emails or messages telling people that you’re not interested only so that they feel rejected. It’s not like you’re dating already and being ignored or ghosted. Ignoring is a nice way of saying I’m not interested without hurting someone’s feelings more. Again, my opinion.


But you see, people have the ability to report your account and get you blocked from dating sites which has happened to me personally many times, and for doing absolutely nothing wrong. Bumble, for example, had me blocked from the site for that very reason and after I had already paid for it which felt kind of like theft to me. When you pay for something, you want to get what you paid for. And with many dating sites, if you get a lot of messages and you ignore people, people simply get pissed off and bitter, so they report your account and get you blocked.


The same thing happens if you have a date and you aren’t interested, people tend to want you off of the sites for some reason so you don’t find your happily ever after. This is why they should remove the report button or ask at least what they’d like to report and then without sites automatically removing accounts, they should have a better way of detecting if there’s any truth to it rather than removing accounts. People pay money for those sites and within a week or two, my site was down for no reason. I know that I’m not the only one who this is happened to so I thought I’d share my experience and spread the word to once again, proceed with caution.


You see, even after dating sites like bumble will apologize for the inconvenience, you’ll have to go through so many emails back-and-forth with their company in order to simply get your money back which ends up coming back from iTunes anyway, not bumble. It can get quite complicated to get your money back and it wastes your time and kills your spirit just a little bit when it comes to finding the right person.


I’d have to say that I agree with many of the comments I read in one of bumble’s Facebook sponsored posts. It is a waste of money, people lie a lot on the sites, and there are a tremendous amount of crazy people, everyone is emotionally unavailable or emotionally broken, just like many of us thought long ago.


I’m going to leave you with a little dating tip this holiday season—especially, since I know this article was a bit intense to read at moments.


If you are single and you’d like to meet someone outside of a dating site or app who has some of the same interests or hobbies as you, look cute, smile and be approachable, be the best version of yourself, not in that order, and go and do some of your favourite activities and things that you love. It will kill two birds with one stone.


You’ll have a great time doing something you love, and you just might meet someone who also loves doing those things. Good luck and love to you all, including all of those bumblebees who use dating sites, because the truth is, at the end of the day, we should all find love and happiness, no matter what source we use to help us meet someone.

Anne Cohen
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