Marriage seems to become more difficult as society evolves and ideas about what constitutes a marriage and a healthy relationship change and shift. Creating a healthy relationship requires a wide range of skills and a commitment to working out problems that often do not come easily or naturally to some people. Many issues can be worked out, but sometimes, red flags arise that can indicate a marriage is in trouble. Here are five of those red flags to watch for during your first year of marriage.
1. Money That Mysteriously Disappears
Money is one of the chief areas of conflict in marriage, and learning to account for your spending is one of the most critical skills in making a marital partnership go smoothly. If your partner is chronically hiding money or seems evasive about where money has gone, you may be headed to divorce court and discussions with an alimony lawyer may be in your future. If you notice some suspicious activity with your bank account, talk to your significant other before jumping to any conclusions. The first step is always having a rational conversational.
2. Paranoia About Seeing His or Her Cellphone
Electronic communications have facilitated easy interactions with people on a close and frequent basis. However, sometimes these communications can enable infidelity that can undermine a marriage. If your partner is extremely possessive about their cellphone or computer, it could mean they are using these devices in ways that are destructive to the marriage. Secret accounts on social media or even dating apps could point toward possible infidelity.
3. Controlling Behavior
A partner that regulates every thought and action may be profoundly insecure about their own value in the marriage or may have personality issues that require psychological attention. If you feel you can’t make a step without angering or displeasing your partner, it could signal trouble for your marriage and potential issues to come in the future.
4. Lack of Communication
When a partner shuts down emotionally, it could be a sign of inability to be truly intimate with another person, or it could signal a lack of skills in communicating needs and emotions. Counseling may be needed to help the individual learn how to open up to another person, in order to have a close, fulfilling relationship. While the lack of communication is not always an immediate red flag, unwillingness to try could point towards signs that the relationship won’t work.
5. Frequently Going Out Without You
An individual who prefers to spend time away from the relationship or who always plans activities without the partner may still be stuck in the “Me” psychology and may not yet have developed into thinking about the “Us” that he or she has now become. The person may require a concerted effort to include the partner in their lives and activities more, or may possibly require counseling to learn to become a full member in the “couple” status.
If you have had a good model for a marriage relationship in your background, the work of becoming a couple will come naturally. However, those without a good model for this type of relationship may have more difficulty understanding the many aspects that make a good marriage function well for everyday life.
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