Dating: Looking for Perfection


For many people, getting to experience and embrace true love is something that they consider rare. It’s something that many people feel that they can only hope for and dream of. For others, they’ve experienced the reality of what it’s like, and they’ve embraced special moments all bunched up into one incredible experience. When things don’t work out, and you’re back in the market to date once again, it’s important to remember that you have to go into each situation individually and with a clean slate. You should never look for the same type of person as someone from your past.

Having an open heart means having an open mind and fully understanding that no one is going to be like your ex, that you shouldn’t compare people to your ex—you know, that ex that you might have shared an  amazing and loving connection with. One big problem that happens for many people, is that once they know what real love feels like, and they’ve had a taste of it, they want some version of it again, but better. And because of that, many people will start comparing people to the love that they knew, and even worse, they start looking for perfection.

You might feel as if the dating scene has become incredibly challenging. One of the main reasons that dating has become so challenging to many, is because of how they view it. Some people feel that because they’ve experienced love and know what it’s like, they go around with this mentality of, I’ve had the best. And although it didn’t work out for certain reason, nothing can compare to that. Now, I want the kind of love like I had before or something even better. The problem with that mentality is that you’re not giving anyone a real chance. You’re clearly setting yourself up for disappointment. Your outlook must change before you can truly be open to loving someone else and giving a new situation a genuine chance. You can’t expect to ever find the kind of love that you had or even something similar to it for that matter. As well, you can’t expect to find perfect, so stop trying.

Dating might become a drag after a while. However, it’s important not to give up, and to give promising situations a chance. If you feel that nothing will compare to someone from your past, then it’s likely that you haven’t fully let that passed situation go. It’s imperative that when you have a mentality as such, you recognize it, and make a change. Stop comparing people to someone that you’ve previously dated, otherwise, your dating life is gonna suck. You likely won’t be open to giving things a real shot. As well, your heart won’t fully be in any situation while you have residual hurt or feelings for someone from your past. You need to stop this toxic pattern of thinking. It’s time to let bygones be bygones, and free yourself from what’s dragging you down and keeping you from finding your one true love.

So remember, when you date, don’t compare people to others that you’ve previously dated. If you’re not ready to date anyone, hold off. When you find that you’re truly ready, let go and be open to embracing each person as an individual, and as a new situation with a blank, clean slate. Every person that you date should be an opportunity for a new beginning, and if you weigh that new beginning down with unrealistic expectations and comparisons, you won’t get far with them or in the situation. Keep in mind, others might be doing the same thing to you and you might not even realize it, so set an example, and love purely and whole heartedly. But most of all, don’t look for or expect to find perfect, because it doesn’t exist.

Anne Cohen
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