Do not discount yourself. Know your worth and don’t accept less than what you want in a partner. You shouldn’t have to settle for someone that’s going to try and change your ways, for their own selfish reasons. The right person is going to want you, for you. Many times, people feel stuck in a situation where they feel that, if they only change certain things about themselves, the person that they’re with will love and accept them more, want to be with them, or even want to stay with them if they’re already in a relationship.
It’s imperative to understand how toxic, it is to be with a person that gives you an ultimatum of either changing yourself or not being together. I mean, unless it’s something you need to change within yourself to become a better person or if you have some type of issues that you need to work on (which we all do, by the way), because working on yourself is definitely something that I’m in favor of. But when it comes to changing certain qualities or attributes about who you are, what you believe, how you look, or even your views when it comes to morals and values, you should never have to change to please the other person.
You should never have to change your core values and beliefs simply because someone else feels differently than you do. Many times, we sell ourselves short, we settle for less than what we want, and we’re willing to change ourselves in order to please someone else, or to make them like us better, but it’s not a good thing. We need to know our self-worth, and be confident enough to know that when someone tries to change who we are or what we believe, they’re the wrong person for us.
I’ve written about this before, and probably many times, but the reason is because it’s so common in the dating scene these days. Everyone wants what they want, and if they find someone with most of the qualities that they’re looking for, they feel that they can change the person to be a better fit for them, because maybe they’re not the “exact package” that they’re hoping for. Well folks, let’s clear that thought up once and for all; NO ONE IS PERFECT and THERE IS NO PERFECT OR EXACT MATCH.
When a situation is unequivocally good, and you’re with the right match, you’re not going to have to change a person to fit you and your lifestyle better. Things will naturally flow when you’re with the right person. And it’s important to know that nothing will ever be perfect, but striving towards that paradisiacal state should more so be the goal. Set out to find your best possible match, but even then, your match isn’t going to be perfect. Perfection is an unattainable desire.
One of the most beautiful things about being an individual is our uniqueness, and those little idiosyncrasies that make each and every one of us different than the next. If we start changing those unique qualities in ourselves to try to please someone else, we’re not being true to ourselves, and it’s basically as if we’re discounting who we are, and stripping some of the most beautiful qualities in which “the right person” will actually love and appreciate.
Our differences are what makes us so special and unique. And we shouldn’t have to change our beautiful qualities and differences so that someone will like us better. When I had previously written things like, be the best version of yourself, what I was basically saying was that, we’re all unique, and you shouldn’t have to change to please other people. But you should always work on improving yourself to be the best you that you know how to be, and that usually involves a certain amount of self-love, self-awareness, and self-improvement.
Remember, be conscious enough to see a person for who they are, and if someone doesn’t see you in a beautiful light and as if your unique and different qualities are what makes you so shiny and beautiful, move on. The right match for you will not only recognize how special you are, but they will likely LOVE those things about you. Don’t change so that you’ll seem like a better fit for someone. Striving towards our goals in life and going after what we want is great—but creating a version of ourselves, that’s fake and phoney just to win someone’s love, affection, and acceptance is wrong.
Latest posts by Anne Cohen (see all)
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