The Toll That Cheating Plays on Relationships

the-toll-that-cheating-plays-on-relationships

When there are problems in relationships, many times people do things in order to create happiness for themselves that tend to be impulsive and for a quick relief. Quick, instant, and immediate gratification might serve people in one particular moment, but ultimately there will usually be a huge downfall. You see, immediate and impulsive quick fix solutions might seem like the easier road to light and happiness, but in reality what you’re doing is creating short term light for long-term darkness.

It’s never a good thing to cheat on your partner or hurt them in anyway. Not that people intentionally have hopes of hurting their loved ones. However, when things go wrong in relationships and couples don’t know what to do, sometimes they fall, make mistakes, and act on their impulses just to create a sense of light – even if it’s for a brief moment, not realizing the damage that it can cause for the long term, their partner, their relationship, and even themselves.

Cheating on your partner is an unforgivable act that can cause so much damage to relationships. Cheating has the power to destroy the friendship aspect of a relationship, the trust in a relationship, and even the termination of the relationship for many, if not most. Once something is broken, it’s broken, and many times it can’t be fixed.

For those that are willing to work on their relationship, improving their trust, their honesty, and their commitment to one another, that’s all fine and dandy, but it’s going to take a lot of work from both people, forgiveness, and a blank clean slate which is possible to do, but extremely hard.

I know my words seem very intense here, but I’m being brutally honest and sometimes you just need to be frank with people and let them know how difficult something is going to be, so either they won’t mess things up from the get-go and think twice about making such a grand mistake, or they might consider reconciling with their partner, but have the realization of what it’s going to take without dressing things up.

Having forgiveness is a beautiful act, and it’s usually acquired by having acceptance and love for someone to the point of not wanting to lose them from your life. Having said that, I don’t believe that we should let people take advantage of us or hurt us in any way, and cheating definitely does hurt.

At the point when a partner finds out that her partner cheated or perhaps if the cheater told their partner what they’d done, the person usually has one of a few responses. One thing that the cheating partner might say is that they’re sorry, and they’ll act remorseful and apologetic to the point where you’ll see misery written all over their face. True, you never want to see your partner feel miserable or sad, but they’ve done the damage to themselves, they’re the ones that messed up, and you need not feel guilty.

Another response that many cheaters would have as to why they cheated would be to blame their partner for them not being affectionate, loving, or intimate with them enough – or at all for that matter. Again, that response is beyond ridiculous, and any person that says that after cheating is a dummy. Yep, a dummy! The lack of intimacy isn’t reason a good reason for someone to cheat on their partner. There are many things that you can do when you’re struggling with intimacy, and I’ll have to write more on that later. Keeping the fire live in a relationship and maintaining the closeness, affection, and intimacy throughout one’s relationship is imperative for feeling happy with one another.

Another thing that people usually respond with once they’ve cheated is that it meant nothing to them, and it was a mistake. There’s never a good excuse for when someone cheats on their partner, not alcohol, not substance abuse, not loneliness, not the lack of affection or intimacy, nothing! There’s no good excuse for taking your partner for granted, destroying your trust with them, and breaking the glass in your relationship. The only time that you should break a glass in your relationship is when you’re getting married, and that’s usually in a Jewish wedding.

It’s important to appreciate what you have in life, and to respect your partner enough to communicate your feelings to them when things aren’t sitting well with you, or if you’re feeling unhappy. There are always things that you can do to improve your relationship or marriage, but cheating will only destroy everything, and many times, to the point of no return.

If you’re not willing to work on your relationship or marriage to the point where you know you’re going to cheat, it’s better to leave and end the situation, rather than break their heart with that kind of gut punch. I can honestly say that when it comes to cheating, it can usually be avoided by having great communication, and if you don’t believe me, then try it. When you’re able to express yourselves freely and comfortably to your partner, and they’re able to do the same with you, you’ll be able to tell one another what’s wrong, what’s bothering you, and what you both want to improve on in your love life.

If you implode and keep any feelings of unhappiness inside of you, your partner’s not going to know what you’re feeling because they obviously can’t read your mind, even if you’ve been together for 10, 20, or 30 years. Sometimes you need to express yourselves to the point where your partner really “gets” what you’re saying and how you’re feeling. Sit down with your partner, maintain a calm and poised composure, and tell your partner how you’re feeling, and hear them out as well.

The damage of cheating on a loved one is irreversible. But there’s still hope in many cases, so if you haven’t yet been unfaithful to your partner, then you should try to improve your communication, and if you’ve already been unfaithful, then you need to have a talk with your partner.

I realize that some people feel that once you’ve cheated on someone, you should live with the guilt, the grief, and the agony of remorse for cheating. This is a very controversial topic because although some people feel that they’d want to know right away if their partner was unfaithful, others definitely don’t want to know. You should know what type of partner you have in life, and how they feel about this issue. Hopefully you’ll both be on the same page, and hopefully things won’t get to this unfortunate point where you have to have a discussion because one of you was unfaithful. 

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Anne Cohen

Founder, Owner, Writer, and Editor at Anne Cohen Writes
Anne Cohen is a lifestyle and relationship blogger based in Los Angeles, CA. Her blogs are Anne Cohen and Anne Cohen Writes. She contributes to various publications including The Huffington Post, Elite Daily, and many more. She's passionate about love, writing, chess, and more than anything, her two kids.
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