When You Catch Your Partner in an Online Dating Site

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So you found that special someone, and you’ve been in a relationship for quite some time now. What’s good about your relationship is the fact that it’s based on a solid strong foundation built of what’s really important. Those important pillars are everything from having great communication, honesty, trust, and it doesn’t hurt that your partner is your best friend. The only problem is that you recently found out that throughout your whole relationship your partner has been on dating websites, swiping here, liking there, favoriting here, and emailing here and there with other people of the opposite sex.


You feel betrayed, and as if everything that you’ve built and worked so hard in developing throughout your relationship was a bunch of bologna, and now you’ve lost trust with your partner. This is a very tough predicament for both people in the relationship. Despite whether or not the person was dating others, or simply communicating with others online was actually cheating, being unfaithful, or even if they were simply wanting a way to feel more confident about themselves, it doesn’t matter. Once your partner finds out that you were untruthful to them, your reasons (or theirs) likely won’t matter. The fact of the matter is that the reason is irrelevant. The reasons could be one of many things, but all that really matters is that they’re excuses.


When someone is in an exclusive relationship, it goes without saying that being in an online dating website or app is wrong, and inappropriate. There’s no good reason or excuse why someone should be looking, swiping, or even chatting with someone else online. You’re supposed to be an open book, honest, and trustworthy to your partner. Having a dating site profile online and being active on it is beyond inappropriate and definitely a form of emotional cheating.


Honesty is everything. If you need a confidence booster, then there are many other ways to go about it. If you’re keeping your options open behind your partner’s back, then that’s just plain old shady and messed up. As well, if you think that it’s okay to have a dating site profile active without your partner knowing it, it’s so messed up, and definitely a cause for rethinking your relationship altogether.


There’s no good excuse to have a profile on a dating website, and not even if you’re thinking that it’s a good way to meet people or make friends. It’s incredibly selfish to think that “wanting to be social and meet people” would even be a reason. As a couple, and definitely, as a couple that has intentions for the long term (including building a life and family together one day), it’s important, to be honest, and an open book.


I personally experienced something as such a while back, and I can honestly tell you that it was truly painful for me to think (or assume) that we were in an exclusive relationship, being that my partner at the time was on dating websites throughout the whole relationship. I never even saw it coming. I’ve definitely learned from that experience myself, and I’m hoping to spread the word and to let others know that no, it’s not okay, and you shouldn’t put up with it if you find out that your partner is doing this behind your back. The truth is, when you’re with someone in a relationship, you shouldn’t have to snoop or spy on the person, or even be suspicious of them whatsoever.


You should definitely go into each and every new situation with a blank, clean slate, an open heart, and without bringing any baggage from previous relationships. You should think of your partner as your best friend, be trusting of them, and build your trust within the relationship by setting an example of being honest yourself.


It’s okay if you get let down. But just remember, “the right person” will never go behind your back or look for someone else while dating you. As well,  they’ll never have to try and convince you that what they’re doing is harmless, being that they’ve never met or slept with anyone else but you, despite being on dating sites. The right person for you will be your best possible match, honour you, respect you, appreciate you, and they’ll do anything and everything to make you feel their love by their words and their actions.

Anne Cohen
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13 thoughts on “When You Catch Your Partner in an Online Dating Site

  1. I’ve been in a long distance relationship with a woman for the past eight years and a couple of nights ago, she called me and (drunkenly) told me that she had joined Tinder a week or so ago. She was obviously excited by all the likes she received (ego boost) and she made arrangements in the following days after joining to meet some of the men. She stated it was only “to meet friends”, but this comes on the heels of cheating incident a few months before. Although we resolved to continue after the cheating incident, the wound is still very fresh.

    The next day I confronted her and she told me she was very sorry and felt like a loser for her actions. She’s currently busy travelling (doing god knows what with god knows who!) so we still have yet to talk about the issue. When we do, I will explain that I can no longer continue with the relationship. My trust is broken and, even though I still love her, there is no future with someone who acts like this.

    If someone would have told me when I met her eight years ago that this would be how it would end, I would have certainly called them crazy!

  2. Cheating can be so disgusting and painful i know, because i have had my own shared taste of it, endless thoughts and ideas didn’t help much

  3. I had been living with my boyfriend for Ten years. The first year he lied about being engaged to a woman in Australia. Two month ago he starts acting strange. He takes a weekend fishing trip that happens to not have cell service. On his way back I told him not to bother to come home. He desires to stop and spend 30k on a travel trailer. He proceeds to move all his belongings out because he says I don’t trust him. We are talking and trying to work things out. He lies again telling me he is at home sleeping. He was out drinking and purchasing flowers for four woman he sat with all night. Once I seen the photo and found he lied I blocked him for 4 days. We start talking again. He said he wanted to tell me something that might make me mad. He said he had joined a dating site. He joined this site after we split but only 1 day after saying he was not interested in dating or seeing other women. He said I was the only one. I am very upset about all this and he turns it on me saying I have trust issues. I love him but truly don’t believe I will ever trust him. We started the relationship on a lie and here we are again. I suggested a open relationship. He got really mad saying he could never do such a thing. He is not that type of guy.

  4. Yes, as hurtful as it is…. you have to move on. There is just nothing there anymore after that!.
    The excuses are lies. What gets me the most is how fake someone can be the whole time.
    Their loss.
    Hopefully, they find what they are looking for and stop using people in between.
    So you can find that person that really is on the same page as you.
    Don’t let it make you feel bad, like you were not enough… just dump them and move on.
    Won’t be long before your happy again.

  5. I have personally suffered a fair share of infidelity by my ex-wife who had multiple affairs during our marriage. I got a divorce after catching her in the act several times. Great article.

  6. Don’t trust anyone, it’s sad when your husband is having love affairs with your nanny, I noticed my husband is getting too much closer with my nanny Rita, my husband chats now in private, his calls are in secret and he changed his phone password, I was wondering what’s going wrong until I caught my husband cheating on me

  7. Currently going through this now. I was told that he was “only looking”. This is about the 10th time i have caught him having inappropriate behavior online. Needless to say now that the holidays are over so is our marriage. Good thing we do not have any children together.

    1. I just had this happen to me last night and I’m so angry, hurt, confused, and I don’t even know where to begin. Of course, he does not admit it! He claims he has no idea who logged into the website, or how it’s saved in his phones web browser, w all login information, but hasn’t used it for years. Hmmm sorry not sorry, but shady lying pos.
      How do you deal with it? Wedding was 2 months away, bought a house together, and vehicles, and now what? I will cheat, just to get even, then what? What happens next?

    2. Wow! My fiancé and I dated for 14 months and moved in together before I found out that he was on about five different sites. Android phones have a text/voice type option in the history. I got the luxury of listening to all the sexting and Skype sex crap I was devastated. I am seven years younger attractive, and at the time he was about eighty lbs overweight. We had what I thought was a an amazing relationship. He checked outta the dating sites and I let him off the hook with a firm warning and a few fights and tears. My intuition told me it was still in the air. A few months later I checked the phone bill and low and behold lots of early morning texts . Like he walked our the door and began texting a woman. Actually, a few women, a few really overweight gross married women. I was crushed. Then the lies spiraled from there too. I contacted the husbands. I sent them the phone bills with the texts. I informed them off the searing dating sites etc. Then one woman had actually dated him prior to our getting together. Yes, and when I went on her Facebook page she had pictures of her inside his house. So, he lied about this being all “online fantasy” hmmmm anyway, I know he never physically cheated but this hurt more honestly. Anyway, I made his life hell. He is completely transparent 3 years later. I check now and again, but not like I used to. The only reason I stayed was because he was honest about his activity, really honest. He was remorseful, for his actions, and he worked on himself and proposed . I broke up with him etc. I was brutal, but you have to do it! Some men do it for their egos. Some men really like the attention and it’s a thrilling high. I towards the end of my long term marriage dabbled I it too. No sexting just plain chatting but the attention is exciting. So, be completely transparent and don’t allow anyone to try to be defensive, etc. if their not kissing your ass the get rid of them ASAP, and I only went back to a committed relationship because we got engaged and that’s the key too. If he wants yiu after effing around on dating sites then he has to step up the relationship to the next level…..sorrry dude your bad ,unfortunately he out both of you in this situation. Also, if your married and this happens downgrade the relationship until you see changes. People are gross and I will never trust other men’s wives again they are the most guilty. Hang in there and remember you are special , love yourself, live everyday for yourself and things your ❤️ . We all have failures. You are responsible for your own happiness.

  8. I found my wife on a site called SEI Matchmaking and on MillionaireMatch last night. When I asked her why, she said she doesn’t trust me and wants a backup if I leave, preferably a rich one. I am a lawyer and make enough to buy her many nice things. Most recently a 4,000 dog. It is never enough it seems. Her phone is full of rich men wanting to meet her. She emails them hopeful messages talking about her need for chemistry and attaching many half clothed pictures of her in her underwear. She likes attention and says shes not cheating. I think she is preparing to leave me. For once in my life, I was faithful. Not cheating or flirting or texting with anyone since before we were married. She says things like, if we split up I want the dog. I ask why she says this and she just says she is worried about the dog if something goes wrong between us. She saves up money for air tickets to go home to her parents. I am worried that I have been conned out of all my money. I recall the lyrics of In your Eyes by Peter Gabriel…love, I dont like to feel so much pain. So much, wasted, and this moment keeps slipping away. I get so tired, of working so hard for our survival. I look to the times with you, to keep me awake and alive. But now that I found she is unfaithful in her heart and in her future plans, I have nothing but God to keep me alive and give me hope. Nothing on earth, no joy, no happiness, lasts very long. It’s all just slipping away, even as we experience it. And now I take no joy in anything. It’s very depressing and I’m not a depressed person. We have three young boys together. How could she think to leave, for even a moment. It can only be the work of pure evil. Very sad. I hope that your relationship is not like this. Find true love,and keep it as long as you can. Do not be the reason it fails. If you both feel the same, maybe you have the best chance to make it. However, young people, do not ever get married. Protect your assets and your heart. Dont ever do it. No matter how much you love them.

    1. Don’t trust anyone, it’s sad when your husband is having love affairs with your nanny, i noticed my husband is getting too much closer with my nanny Rita, my husband chats now in private,his calls are in secret and he changed his phone password, I was wondering what’s going wrong until i caught my husband cheating on me thankfully my friend gave me a reliable contact (hackmedia349@gmail.com) call and text (213) 806-5422 he works with discretion and delivers, he does all sort of hacks, access to social networks, i cloud, and many more. Viber chats hack, Facebook messages, Instagram, phone messages and yahoo messengers remotely, call phone GPs location tracking, spy on whats app messages i would prefer to let his service speak for itself,his service are cheap you can contact him if you have similar issue and tell him i referred you to him.he’s a man with heart of gold.

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  10. If exclusively dating and they cheated, I consider this cheating, it would be over!

    If married and he cheated, I’d kill him. I’ve been through a divorce and it was amicable but I’m not going through that pain again. So yes, death is the only answer. Lol.

    I don’t ever want to think, consider or smell cheating…you know it has a smell. Just trying to get along is enough without bringing others into the picture. So yes, if dating I would walk so fast nothing could bring me back. It’s the deal breaker.

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