The days, weeks and months leading up to your wedding are certainly exciting, but they can also induce some feelings of anxiety and nervousness. When you’re having cold feet, identifying the reason why can help you to decide what type of conversation to have with your fiancée. Considering a few common discussions can help you to identify the core of the issue and start feeling reassured and better soon.
1. Review Financial Matters
Money is a major stress factor in a relationship. For example, you might disagree on how much money to put toward discretionary spending, or you may not have reached a conclusion on whether you should rent or buy your first living space together. While you don’t need to plan out every penny of your relationship now, creating a fairly solid budget with input from the both of you can initiate a strong monetary standing.
2. Discuss Children
Before getting married, you absolutely must discuss children because it is not a topic that you can compromise on. In other words, if one of you wants children and one of you do not, you cannot reach a compromise that is in the middle. Again, you don’t need to figure out every specific detail right now, but you should know what the other wants. You may not know how many kids you want or how exactly you’ll raise them, but you should discuss whether or not you plan to have them at all.
3. Evaluate Problem-Solving Behavior
You should also review the ways in which you solve problems. For example, think about the last time you had an argument. While you don’t want to rehash past problems, you should seriously evaluate if the two of you have wildly different approaches to tackling issues. You could consider meeting with a couples therapist or working on strategies for compromising so that you are both on a more similar page in the future. This will help you get down to see if there is really an issue or if it’s normal nerves. If the problem persists after your marriage, seek a counselor before a divorce lawyer. Do the best you can, but it’s ok to end the relationship if it doesn’t work for both of you.
4. Consider Life Changes
Another concern could be the ways in which your life might change. Maybe you are worried that you won’t see your relatives as much or that you aren’t going to have as much time for hobbies and activities. Keep in mind that retaining your personal identity is certainly possible when entering into a marriage. What’s important is to express these desires to one another and work toward integrating balance into your life.
Instead of allowing yourself to continue on with cold feet, identify why you’re feeling this way. Make sure to discuss the reasons with your partner. The ability to communicate about both positive and troubling issues is an important part of a healthy relationship.
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