When Only ONE PERSON Brings Things to the Table


We all have certain things that we look for in another person. Knowing what you want in a partner is very important, but also understanding that you’ll never find exactly what you’re looking for is something that we all need to keep in mind. But one problem that a lot of people I’ve seen complain about when not finding the right match, is that they’re expecting that their partner will hold a certain characteristics and bring certain things to the table, when they’re not bringing much to the table themselves.

In the same manner that you get what you give in relationships, you also can’t expect for another person to do everything or to have every quality that you’re looking for, but especially when you’re not bringing those qualities or those expectations with you. For example, if you hope to find someone who is very active and physically fit, but you don’t even work out yourself or take care of yourself by any means, you’re being completely unreasonable. There are many other examples I can give as well where one person expects another person to be a certain way, even though they’re not that way themselves.

You need to be reasonable when looking for a partner, and you can expect that someone is going to be O.K. with you having such unreasonable expectations where they bring everything to the table and you bring nothing. One-sided relationships don’t work, so for those who have long list of expectations that bring nothing to the table themselves, you’ll likely end up in either a bad relationship that’s one sided, or you’ll end up being with a partner who won’t be happy with you or even stay for very long. No one should expect things that they’re not willing to give or do themselves.

Relationships take a certain amount of give-and-take, compromise, and more than anything, they require both people to do their share of things. Both people in a relationship should be giving and bringing certain things to the table equally. This doesn’t necessarily mean that relationships where one person stays home while the other goes to work won’t be balanced or that they’re one-sided. You see, as long as both people in a relationship give in their own way, and as long as they both people bring certain things to the table, a relationship will be balanced and happy. It shouldn’t matter whether someone is a stay at home mom or dad, or whether they work outside of the home, as long as they’re both willing to give, and be willing to do their share of things that are required to make their relationship feel balanced, and ultimately work.

Couples need to feel adequate in their relationship, and no one likes to feel that they’re the only one giving while the other one just sits back and receives. A healthy and happy relationship involves two people that are both equally doing whatever they can to make the relationship work. But for those who have expectations that are unreasonable like desiring to have certain qualities or characteristics in their partner, or for those two hope to find a partner who is insanely successful or a go-getter while they’re more of the lazy type who wants to sit back and nothing in return, you have a long road ahead of you, and you should really put your focus on understanding that it takes two people equally give in order to make a relationship feel whole and complete.

So the next time that you see that you’re dating or in a relationship with someone who has certain expectations where they don’t even meet them, think really wisely about what the other person’s intentions are, but also why you feel that it’s O.K. to do all of the work or why you’re the only one bringing things to the table. Be fair to yourself and know your self-worth. No one should have to do all of the work, all of the giving, or Heaven’s forbid, stay in a one-sided situation. Love yourself enough to make a change and not to accept all of the weight in a relationship. Communicate to your partner if you feel that things seem one-sided, and if nothing changes for the better, consider finding a partner who will love you enough to be giving and show you through their actions how much they care.

Anne Cohen
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