Saturday Thoughts and Relationship Advice From Someone Who Loves Maybe a Little Too Much

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Sometimes Things End. But Don’t Settle Just Because You Feel Lonely.


There’s a big difference between missing someone and wishing they were there, from missing having someone, anyone, and wishing they were there. It’s not easy for people to realize this or even see the difference unless they’re self-aware enough and truly look within. Do they actually miss a person and long to have that person close or do they long not to be lonely and desire to fill an empty space? Perhaps an empty space of what they were used to? Being used to someone is very different from loving someone, truly loving someone.


You know it’s real when you miss someone and you miss them regardless of how busy you are, how consumed you are with other things, work, other people, friends, family, fun activities, another love. When you truly miss someone, you miss that person, that soul, and not because you want to fill a void consciously or subconsciously, but simply because that love was real and you genuinely miss them—utterly miss them, their energy, their voice, their eyes, their skin, their jokes, their laugh, sharing things, connecting with them. I don’t know how often true love comes around. But I can honestly say that it’s a rare and beautiful gift that stays with you even when they’re gone. Time doesn’t exist when it’s real. It’s kind of amazing really, the way that memories live on, the way that the small things stay with you, the music, the magic, the feeling. But sometimes, you have to let go.


Having Said This…

 

You have to be whole as a single person and feel happy with yourself before being in a relationship. No one can fill a void of emptiness that you may feel, and you shouldn’t expect that from a person or a relationship. That’s asking for much more than one person can give. Simply said, it’s an unrealistic expectation. And although it’s important to be with someone who you feel happy with and who feels happy with you, who brings smiles, joy, and sunshine into your life, you still need to feel happy inside on your own.


Which brings me back to my initial point—missing someone. When you miss someone, make sure that you’re not missing that person for the wrong reasons.
Make sure that you can enjoy your alone time. Make sure that you love yourself enough, that you know your worth and just how unique and special you are. Don’t long to be with someone or get back with someone because you don’t want to be alone. Being alone can change in a mere instant, but just because you have the option to be with someone and not feel alone, doesn’t mean that it will be in your best interest. Instant gratification is nothing more than settling for short term light and long term darkness.


Be alone, and know yourself and what you need to feel complete. It’s you that will complete you, not another being, just you. When you feel complete, another person, a special someone will see you for who you are at your beautiful core. They will see your true glow and beautiful soul and love you for it. Then and only then, will you be ready to embrace real love, real longing, and appreciate someone for what it is, not what you want it to be or wish it was. Don’t settle for being with someone for the wrong reasons like loneliness. Make sure that you give yourself time to heal, to focus on yourself, and one day soon hopefully, you’ll become emotionally available and once again, open to love.

 

Appreciate What You Have When You Have It, Not When It’s Gone.

 

We all have different opportunities in life. Some seem to be really great opportunities and some might seem less than great. Yet despite how we perceive them to be, they are still opportunities. When we weigh out the pros and cons, when we use our best judgment, and when we try, we’re doing a good thing. And when we give something our all once we’ve made a decision, we did a good thing as well. When it comes to appreciating what we have, it’s a must in every possible way, in relationships, in our health, and in all that we have to be grateful for.


It’s imperative to appreciate what we have when we have it. When we have someone great, we should appreciate them when they’re there and focus on the good things that they have. We may not like everything about someone, but I’m sure that there are many ways to show someone that you appreciate them. When you make a decision, and you choose to be with someone, you should focus on the good and appreciate what you have. You must acknowledge and appreciate the positives in your partner and in your relationship through your words and your actions. However, you should also work on improving whatever you or they feel is lacking, rather than putting out negative energy by complaining, holding it in (imploding) or feeling upset about it. 


When It’s Time to Let Go.


Nothing and no one can compare or replace real love, real longing, or any memories and emotions that you may have felt or still feel towards someone. When someone feels hurts from a past situation and misses a person so badly, but that someone is no longer in their life, they should remember what was good about it, but not to an unhealthy extent where they can’t let go once it’s not an option any longer. Sometimes you’re left without a choice and you don’t have the option of being with someone.


If you hold on to someone that has left, not only can’t you fully move on, but you won’t recover from the heartache, you’ll long for them to such a painful extent and feel shattered endlessly, especially when that love was real. This is why it’s important to appreciate what you have when you have it and focus on the positives, but once it’s gone, think about what that situation lacked and what went wrong and why it didn’t work out. This way you will heal and hopefully not repeat the same mistakes. In the process, you’ll likely learn what works for you and what doesn’t in a relationship.


Don’t Wait Until It’s Too Late.


Life is too short. I’m sure you know that. Be happy. Feel good. Life is way too short to settle for unhappiness. You deserve to be happy. Not for a week, but every day. No one feels happy all of the time. We have different emotions. Some people feel more and express themselves more, and have many more ups and downs, or perhaps feel that they have more ups and downs than others. Regardless of how much one feels, we can all be happier if we do things that make us feel happy.


If we have jobs that we love, if we surround ourselves with good, kind, and loving people. If we have healthy relationships. If we’re cleaner and more organized in our homes and all around in our lives and surroundings, and if we do kind acts and embrace our empathetic sides a bit more. We can be happier if we let go of anger, release our tensions by praying, meditating, enjoying and appreciating nature, the world around us, and all that we have. If we can let go and rid ourselves of hate, envy, ego, comparisons, and sadness. If we can once again, focus on all of the wonderful things that we have in life, rather than on what we lack. 


Don’t wait until it’s too late. Go after what you want and what will make you happy. The world is yours and you can accomplish whatever it is that you have your heart set on. Your painted picture might come out a bit different than what you initially imagined painting, but if you put your effort and heart into it, it will be just as, if not more beautiful.


No Regret.


Regret should be saved for negative things and things that you did foolishly and without thought. If you follow your heart and use your logic, experience, and do things by thinking them through, having faith, trusting, and then you still feel let down, regret isn’t what you should be feeling. You should feel happy regardless. Be happy that you weren’t afraid to try. It takes a lot to make big decisions, bravery, faith, hope, trust, intelligence. But sometimes it’s not enough.


Don’t let regret weigh you down when you had good intentions and did something with your heart and much thought. There are no rules in life other than the ones that you believe in your heart and those rules that you set for yourself. It’s important to learn and grow from mistakes and to try your best not to repeat them. Feeling regret can only do harm if you hold onto negative thoughts and feelings for too long. It’s one thing to think extra hard before making a decision, but once you make a decision, be confident and do your absolute best to carry through in whatever it was, having no regrets.

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Anne Cohen

Founder, Owner, Writer, and Editor at ACW (Anne Cohen Writes)
Anne Cohen is a lifestyle and relationship blogger based in Los Angeles, CA. Her blogs are Anne Cohen and ACW (Anne Cohen Writes). She contributes to various publications including The Huffington Post, Elite Daily, and many more. She's passionate about love, writing, chess, and more than anything, her two kids.
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