When You Catch Your Partner in an Online Dating Site

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So you found that special someone, and you’ve been in a relationship for quite some time now. What’s good about your relationship is the fact that it’s based on a solid strong foundation built of what’s really important. Those important pillars are everything from having great communication, honesty, trust, and it doesn’t hurt that your partner is your best friend. The only problem is that you recently found out that throughout your whole relationship your partner has been on dating websites, swiping here, liking there, favoriting here, and emailing here and there with other people of the opposite sex.


You feel betrayed, and as if everything that you’ve built and worked so hard in developing throughout your relationship was a bunch of bologna, and now you’ve lost trust with your partner. This is a very tough predicament for both people in the relationship. Despite whether or not the person was dating others, or simply communicating with others online was actually cheating, being unfaithful, or even if they were simply wanting a way to feel more confident about themselves, it doesn’t matter. Once your partner finds out that you were untruthful to them, your reasons (or theirs) likely won’t matter. The fact of the matter is that the reason is irrelevant. The reasons could be one of many things, but all that really matters is that they’re excuses.


When someone is in an exclusive relationship, it goes without saying that being in an online dating website or app is wrong, and inappropriate. There’s no good reason or excuse why someone should be looking, swiping, or even chatting with someone else online. You’re supposed to be an open book, honest, and trustworthy to your partner. Having a dating site profile online and being active on it is beyond inappropriate and definitely a form of emotional cheating.


Honesty is everything. If you need a confidence booster, then there are many other ways to go about it. If you’re keeping your options open behind your partner’s back, then that’s just plain old shady and messed up. As well, if you think that it’s okay to have a dating site profile active without your partner knowing it, it’s so messed up, and definitely a cause for rethinking your relationship altogether.


There’s no good excuse to have a profile on a dating website, and not even if you’re thinking that it’s a good way to meet people or make friends. It’s incredibly selfish to think that “wanting to be social and meet people” would even be a reason. As a couple, and definitely as a couple that has intentions for the long term (including building a life and family together one day), it’s important to be honest and open book.


I personally experienced something as such a while back, and I can honestly tell you that it was truly painful for me to think (or assume) that we were in an exclusive relationship, being that my partner at the time was on dating websites throughout the whole relationship. I never even saw it coming. I’ve definitely learned from that experience myself, and I’m hoping to spread the word, and to let others know that no, it’s not okay, and you shouldn’t put up with it if you find out that your partner is doing this behind your back. The truth is, when you’re with someone in a relationship, you shouldn’t have to snoop or spy on the person, or even be suspicious of them whatsoever.


You should definitely go into each and every new situation with a blank, clean slate, an open heart, and without bringing any baggage from previous relationships. You should think of your partner as your best friend, be trusting of them, and build your trust within the relationship by setting an example of being honest yourself.


It’s okay if you get let down. But just remember, “the right person” will never go behind your back or look for someone else while dating you. As well,  they’ll never have to try and convince you that what they’re doing is harmless, being that they’ve never met or slept with anyone else but you, despite being on dating sites. The right person for you will be your best possible match, honour you, respect you, appreciate you, and they’ll do anything and everything to make you feel their love by their words and their actions.

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Anne Cohen

Founder, Owner, Writer, and Editor at ACW (Anne Cohen Writes)
Anne Cohen is a lifestyle and relationship blogger based in Los Angeles, CA. Her blogs are Anne Cohen and ACW (Anne Cohen Writes). She contributes to various publications including The Huffington Post, Elite Daily, and many more. She's passionate about love, writing, chess, and more than anything, her two kids.

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3 thoughts on “When You Catch Your Partner in an Online Dating Site

  1. I found my wife on a site called SEI Matchmaking and on MillionaireMatch last night. When I asked her why, she said she doesn’t trust me and wants a backup if I leave, preferably a rich one. I am a lawyer and make enough to buy her many nice things. Most recently a 4,000 dog. It is never enough it seems. Her phone is full of rich men wanting to meet her. She emails them hopeful messages talking about her need for chemistry and attaching many half clothed pictures of her in her underwear. She likes attention and says shes not cheating. I think she is preparing to leave me. For once in my life, I was faithful. Not cheating or flirting or texting with anyone since before we were married. She says things like, if we split up I want the dog. I ask why she says this and she just says she is worried about the dog if something goes wrong between us. She saves up money for air tickets to go home to her parents. I am worried that I have been conned out of all my money. I recall the lyrics of In your Eyes by Peter Gabriel…love, I dont like to feel so much pain. So much, wasted, and this moment keeps slipping away. I get so tired, of working so hard for our survival. I look to the times with you, to keep me awake and alive. But now that I found she is unfaithful in her heart and in her future plans, I have nothing but God to keep me alive and give me hope. Nothing on earth, no joy, no happiness, lasts very long. It’s all just slipping away, even as we experience it. And now I take no joy in anything. It’s very depressing and I’m not a depressed person. We have three young boys together. How could she think to leave, for even a moment. It can only be the work of pure evil. Very sad. I hope that your relationship is not like this. Find true love,and keep it as long as you can. Do not be the reason it fails. If you both feel the same, maybe you have the best chance to make it. However, young people, do not ever get married. Protect your assets and your heart. Dont ever do it. No matter how much you love them.

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  3. If exclusively dating and they cheated, I consider this cheating, it would be over!

    If married and he cheated, I’d kill him. I’ve been through a divorce and it was amicable but I’m not going through that pain again. So yes, death is the only answer. Lol.

    I don’t ever want to think, consider or smell cheating…you know it has a smell. Just trying to get along is enough without bringing others into the picture. So yes, if dating I would walk so fast nothing could bring me back. It’s the deal breaker.

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