Feeling Intimidated, Insecure, and Not Good Enough



Alexandra is going to be 30 years old, never married, and is still waiting to meet the love of her life. While she’s waiting, she lives with certain fears and things that hold her back in different ways. Now, we all have different fears in life, some more than others. But Alexandra’s fears are more so, the types where she’s afraid of making the first move or talking with others when they haven’t yet met. She gets easily intimidated. She feels socially awkward, gets uneasy around groups of people, and has what some would call social anxiety.


There’s one man in particular that Alexandra is simply mad about, and has her heart set on—at least from what she knows about him, from seeing him at her gym on a daily basis. She thinks he’s handsome, athletic, and always kind to others that surround him. She even caught him in the act on the way to the gym one day, helping out a homeless man, and her whole being and heart melted with love and warmth after seeing such a kind act. She was head over heels crushing on him. They never actually spoke—at least, not yet.


Her biggest problem however, is that she lacks the courage and self confidence to go up to him and start a conversation. She unconsciously plays the staring game back and forth with him, which seems to be getting her—yes, you guessed it, no where. It takes Alexandra to be at a certain comfort level, before she’s willing to open up and show her true, beautiful, and authentic self. This is something that she’s struggled with since she was young.


Alexandra is missing out on a big part of her life because of her fears. She’s missed out on many opportunities, lacking the confidence to even simply have a conversation with someone—even when she truly desires to, on a very deep level. She’s well aware of her fear, and she’s willing to work on it, but she needs help.


Here’s what I think, sweet Alexandra…


Well Alexandra, you’re not alone, because many people have social anxiety and fears when it comes to being around other people or even speaking to others for that matter. There are people that we will meet in life that are going to be more intimidating than others, because of what they know, their backgrounds, and perhaps from how much knowledge that they possess. Many times people will come across as intimidating, because of their good looks, or perhaps because they’re more of the charming type. A certain amount of charm can definitely be intimidating for many.


The thing is, holding ourselves back from what we really want in life isn’t good. If you want anything bad in life, you have to be willing to go after it, and possibly even embarrass yourself in the process. The most successful people have been turned down before, felt embarrassed or ashamed at times, and even felt humiliated by others that lacked decency, kindness, and tact when turning them down or away. Something that might help you and others to know is that people are only as intimidating as you build them up to be. So, the best solution to that would be not to build them up. Instead, build yourself up.


This is why it’s so imperative to love yourself and feel confident with who you are, and what you bring to the table. You should be the best version of yourself, feel whole and complete, and even know your self-worth to the point where you’re not afraid to put yourself out there, step out on a limb, and put your best foot forward. People will love you for you, because you are different than everyone else in this world. Everyone has special and unique qualities to them, and no one is the same. It’s important to know that, and embrace who you are as an individual.


Each and every one of us as human beings has certain qualities and characteristics that make us unique, different, and special. I don’t know why the word “special” has elicited so many bad connotations, but in reality, we should all rid ourselves from those negative connotations, because the word “special” has a lot of true and good meaning. We are all special and unique, and furthermore, we should embrace who we are from the inside, out. We need to be happy with ourselves from within, before we’re able to feel confident enough to handle certain social situations.


Whether someone is an introvert or an extrovert, and whether they’re more of the one on one type, or the type that prefers to be around groups of people, it takes a certain amount of confidence and liking yourself, in order to be able to start up conversations with others, or even to keep up with them for that matter. I find that reading a lot of fiction helps out in a way, because it lets you see life through other people’s eyes, and shows you many times, that we all have issues, insecurities, and imperfections. We all have things that we need to work on and improve within ourselves. Knowing that, and even reading about it—if you take my advice, can only help.


Once you know that no one is going to be perfect, it takes a lot of the needless pressure off of yourself. A lot of times, we view others as perfect, and we put them on such a high pedestal that we might even view them as flawless in certain ways. Now, if you think about it, it’s pretty hard to match up to a flawless person, despite the fact that none of us should be competing with others anyway. Yet still, if you don’t feel good about who you are, and on top of that, you’re putting other people on a pedestal, it’s going to be a tedious, torturous, and agonizing struggle for you, or anyone that’s doing such. My best advice would be to work on building your self-confidence, and to stop putting other people on pedestals and viewing them as perfect.


Instead of risking missing out on opportunities in life, push yourself to get out of your comfort zone. No one is saying that it’s going to be easy—after all, facing one’s fears never is. However, if you’re desiring to improve yourself and want to feel confident and in charge of your life, you’re going to have to change—for the better. You have nothing to lose. Go after what you want, and never, and I mean never think twice about it if, and when you get brushed aside, turned down, rejected, or even if you get rudely dismissed by someone. Don’t let ignorant and cruel people drag you down. Be your own strength and backbone, and ultimately, know that you deserve to be happy in life, and to have everything that your heart truly desires.

Anne Cohen
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