Staying with Someone Who’s Emotionally Unavailable or Commitment Phobic



When someone has commitment-phobia, it can be truly hard on them and on those that they date or explore relationships with. Being commitment-phobic or emotionally unavailable doesn’t mean that someone is a bad person or that they’re even out to hurt you. Many times, emotionally unavailable people and those who are afraid of commitment are simply reacting to their own feelings of fear, rather than going out of their way to deliberately hurt or cause pain to others.

Many times people that have these problems will even go to the extent of avoiding drama, confrontation, and closeness with someone because they know that ultimately the other person could wind up getting hurt. Therefore, many times they try to avoid causing others pain which is actually a truly selfless act. Having said that, it’s important for people to recognize that just like marriage is supposed to be forever, through sickness and health, through thick and thin, and until death should they part, the same goes for when you truly love and care for someone in need.

If someone is willing to work on themselves and make whatever changes they need to in order to be healthier and more of a whole person and to rid themselves of these types of issues, then it’s important to have their back and act as a true friend and partner. The last thing that you should do is give up on a person who is in fact willing to change for the better. When working on any issues in life, it’s a great sign of self-improvement and positive change. Positive changes in life are usually a struggle and take effort, time, love, and hard work. It’s important to be a good partner by sticking around through the hardship and proving your love to them by being there as a good support system.

Dating or being in a relationship with someone who has fears of commitment is a personal choice. However, if the person that you’re dating has these types of commitment issues or can’t connect on an emotional level to a certain extent, you can choose to stay or leave. But remember, if you choose to stay, only do so because they acknowledged the problem, and are willing to work on their issues.

I definitely don’t recommend staying in a relationship with someone or even dating them for that matter – when they’re not willing to admit their problem, and even more so, when they’re not willing to improve it for the better. If you choose to stay with a person who has these types of issues, it’s not going to be an easy road ahead. Just remember that this issue is not a permanent or lifelong problem when a person is actively working on making the appropriate and much-needed changes to improve.

It takes a truly strong person to stick around and be a good support system, and backbone for someone they love that’s emotionally unavailable or commitment-phobic. But when they choose to stay and are willing to help and love you just the same, it’s imperative to be grateful, appreciative, and loving back as much you possibly can. It will take effort from both people if they want to make their relationship work, and have it improve for the better.

Anne Cohen
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