Why a Healthy Amount of Space Is Good in Relationships



You should never have to hold onto something so tight, with fear that if you let go for merely a single moment, it will go away and disappear. Love doesn’t just go away or stop because you designate a certain amount of healthy space between you and your partner. Having a certain amount of space is healthy in every relationship. This includes all of your relationships, from friendships, to family, as well as in your marriage.

Having space doesn’t mean having to say goodbye. Having said that, if you’re at the point in your relationship where one of you decides that space is needed from the other, then that’s a different story. You see, the second that someone feels that they need space from their partner, it usually means that they’ve likely either held on too tightly, making the other person feel somewhat suffocated with closeness, or that they’re starting to have doubts in their relationship. 

But when it comes to having a healthy amount of space in a relationship, that space can actually provide the feeling of being independent, despite the fact that you’re so close and connected to your partner. We should all be independent in a relationship to some extent. And we shouldn’t stop being who we are or stop doing the things that we like to do, simply because we’re in a relationship with someone that might not enjoy the same things. It’s always good to have your own hobbies and interests, even if your preference is to have your partner included in them. But either way, you need to be a whole and complete person so that you don’t come across as too needy, helpless, or God forbid where you make your partner feel smothered.

Now, don’t get me wrong, because I personally like a lot of closeness when I’m in a relationship, so I totally understand why some people prefer to spend as much time with their partner as possible. However, sometimes you can’t be together. At least not all of the time, and you need to be O.K. with having that space and distance between one another during those moments, let alone giving yourself a certain amount of time of “me time,” which I think is something that we can all benefit from at times.

Another thing that some people and couples struggle with is separation anxiety. And yes, I’m well aware that is moreso known for being an issue that many babies, or even toddlers feel when being separated by their parents. But believe it or not, this happens for adults too, especially when they experience a passionate, intimate, and close relationship with someone. However, despite the fact that it’s good to recognize that you, your partner, or the both of you struggle with separation anxiety to some extent, it’s imperative to not only recognize it or admit that there’s a problem, but more so, to actively work on improving your it. Give each other security, reassure one another, and help build up your confidence with one another. Be willing to do what it takes to improve those feelings of insecurity. 

Besides, even if you’re away from your partner and you have a little bit of space between the two of you at times, it will give you both that certain feeling of excitement, when you get to see each other once again. Having said that, I don’t feel that couples need to travel apart from one another, unless they have to. And therefore, for those that are wondering if it’s better to travel without your partner at times, so that you can keep the fire alive in your relationship, I personally don’t think that it’s necessary.

In this article, I’m more so referring to those moments when you’re not by your partner’s side, and whether it’s by choice or not, that you should be able to not only be able to cope without your loved one, but you should be able to get things done, accomplish what you need to on your end, and have a fulfilling, driven, motivated and happy perspective and feeling inside of you.

When people get too overly attached, where they can’t be without their partner for a mere moment, day, or even a few days, etc., then they end up depending on their partner for feelings of happiness that they should naturally be able to feel within themselves, even when they’re without their partner. No one should have to feel as if they can’t function or live without their partner by their side. This is why it’s good to have a healthy amount of space, and to love yourself enough that you can enjoy your own company at times, when your partner isn’t by your side.

Just remember, even if you can’t be by your partner’s side all of the time or as often as you might like, just know that you’re in your partner’s heart. And being that you desire closeness with your partner in the way that you do, I’m sure that you feel the very same way. 

Anne Cohen
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