The Importance of Having Boundaries in a Relationship



Boundaries are important to have in any relationship. Couples need to feel a certain amount of comfort when it comes to having privacy. There’s such a thing as sharing, being loving, and even nearly being glued to one another as far as closeness goes. Having said that, couples still need to know how to have boundaries. Boundaries are basically a separation from what you’re O.K. with, from what you’re not. Both people in a relationship need to love each other enough to respect one another’s boundaries, and to care just how comfortable you both are about different things.

When couples don’t have boundaries and limits of what their O.K. with, and moreso, when they fail to communicate those things to their partner, their relationship is going to suffer because of it. This is why having great communication is very important, but also, this is why you should know yourself well enough to know what you’re comfortable and willing to share, from what you’re not.

Just as I said earlier, many times couples are so close, and best friends even, where they’ll likely want to spend an immense amount of time with one another, but when both people are too close—and yes, that’s possible—then they start to lose a certain amount of that “new” honeymoon type of feeling, and they’ll end up losing their privacy to some extent as well. And think about it, we all need at least “some” privacy once in awhile.

No one likes to be made to feel uncomfortable. For example, no one wants to feel used oras if they’re being taken advantage of. Relationships involve a certain amount of give and take. And couples should be selfless and giving as much as possible, without having ulterior motives. This reminds me of an article I wrote awhile back called, “Sweet Gestures and Just Because.” You should do sweet things for one another because of how much you love them. As well, you should show them how much you care through your words and your actions.

When it comes to setting boundaries in your relationship, sometimes it’s not only O.K. to say “no,” but there are times when you definitely should say “no.” Just because you and your partner love each other, and hopefully unconditionally so, it doesn’t give either of you the right to take advantage of the other. You can still love each other immensely without having to say “yes” to every little request that your partner might make of you. This is a particular problem that happens with many couples. And this is also why we must remember to be reasonable with our expectations.

When we’re in a relationship with someone who doesn’t seem to “get it” so to speak, and they completely ignore our boundaries, they’re not loving us the right way, and they definitely aren’t respecting our boundaries. Being in an adult relationship is the only relationship that you should be O.K. being in, and having respect for one another is mandatory, and a huge sign of maturity. It’s important to communicate your feelings with your partner, and be sure to let them know what your boundaries are so that they don’t cross them.

Anne Cohen
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