Why I Don’t Believe in an Eye for an Eye

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In life, not everyone is good. I’d like to think that they are. I’d truly like to believe that they are. I’d like to believe that everyone who I meet and who I cross paths with in life are all good people. But they’re not. Despite what I want, and despite how optimistic I am, the reality remains that not everyone is a good person. Great job spreading inspiration right? But seriously, if everyone was a good person, why would people go through so much pain on the account of others? Why do some people truly have bad, impure, and evil intentions and act and say things that hurt others, and at times, knowingly so?


I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again– we can’t control what others do or say, only what we do or say. We can’t change other people and make them into someone better. We can only work on ourselves, and that’s why it’s called “self-improvement.” And being that we can’t change other people or make them treat us in a certain manner— with respect, love, or the kindness that we feel we deserve, we should only surround ourselves with like-minded, kind, and loving individuals. Having said that, nothing feels as good as knowing that you have good people surrounding you in your life.


Like anyone else, I’ve made friends with people and have dated others who have lied to me, screwed me over, abused me, taken me for granted, taken advantage of me, and hurt me in many ways, more than I’d like to share. But at the end of the day, I don’t wish harm or feel ill will towards any of them. And I don’t believe in revenge or an eye for an eye, despite that many people would disagree.


I’ve had other people tell me that I should react at times and take charge more, so that other people can’t take advantage of me or hurt me anymore. And that I should block people from my phone, social media, and feel hatred towards people who have hurt me. But I’ve never agreed with being revengeful, hateful, or wishing harm on anyone, even those who have hurt me. I figure, what good does it do anyone to hurt other people. What good will come out of the situation if I get them back or create more negative energy. It won’t do anyone any good if I linger onto negative feelings and carry wounds from previous situations where I felt hurt, sadness, anger, or resentment.


The most that I would ever do, is probably ignore someone. And obviously I’m not perfect and I say nasty things at times when someone hurts me. Again, really inspirational right? Hey, I’ve never claimed to be a relationship expert or anything of the sort. But think about this, if I block people out of my life and they come to a point in their life where they start to feel remorseful, desire to work on themselves, and even if it’s after many years, how can they let go of their pain or even apologize to me for their wrong doings if I’ve blocked them? Now, don’t get me wrong, because sometimes people are so toxic and so bad for you that you need to block them so that you have no contact with them whatsoever and so they can’t hurt you anymore. So there are definitely some scenarios where I wouldn’t suggest staying in contact with people who have hurt you.


I’m sure that this article will be controversial to some extent, but keep in mind, these are only my opinions and thoughts that I’m sharing with you. If you’re the type of person who feels that blocking others is the best method of removing them from your life and social circles, and the best way for you to feel inner peace, then by all means, do so. But the truth is, just because you don’t get along with someone or don’t feel compatible with someone in life, and whether it’s in regards to a romantic relationship, business partners, or any type of friendship, it doesn’t mean someone is a bad person.


I’d have to say that a bad person would be someone who in the depth of their soul truly wishes evil upon others, and many times, for no good reason other than creating misery, enjoying seeing others miserable and in pain, or from envy, jealousy, or just pure hatred. Bad people are the types of people who truly wish pain unto others when they have done them no harm. Bad people are the types of people who wish others to fail in life, just to watch them suffer. But keep this in mind, many people simply aren’t enlightened enough to see the damage they cause and don’t realize that many times, they create their own misery in life. Sometimes, people do things not necessarily because they’re bad people, but more so, because they feel hurt, didn’t get what they wanted, and they run around like a chicken with his head cut off, not knowing what to do to make things better or for things to change to how they’d prefer them to be.


Remember, like I said before, we all say things that we don’t mean at times, and this even goes for me. I’ve said some of the most awful things to people in my life that I didn’t mean. But that’s the most important thing—I didn’t mean those bad things. You see, a bad person actually means the things that they say when they’re upset, hurt, or angry. But the truth is, I love all people, even the ones who have hurt me. And if I think about it, I can find many good things about them, and I even feel a certain amount of love towards them, if you really must know. If anything, sometimes I love my enemies so much, because I feel bad for them, and I know that many times, they need love the most. I feel bad for them mainly because I understand their pain, and I feel hurt for how they hurt. When someone is in such an awful or low place, sometimes they need love the most.


Not everyone is in the same place in life spiritually and when it comes to being enlightened—not to say that I am, because this is something that I strive towards and will always continue to strive towards throughout my life—and seeing things from a pure, loving, and righteous manner. We are all on our own journey, and we all have our own battles to fight in life, but we do so, at different paces and at different times. And many of us are fortunate enough to be resilient and are able to handle “life.”


Therefore, when someone has fallen, is going through a hard time, doesn’t see clearly, makes bad decisions, doesn’t learn from their mistakes, or hurts other people whether intentionally or unintentionally, sometimes they simply can’t see the light or the right path. And it’s in those moments that I don’t feel as hurt, as angry, or as resentful as one might think, because they simply haven’t grown on a spiritual or enlightened level, where they know better. This doesn’t mean that it’s O.K. to treat people poorly or that you should stick around and put up with being abused in any way, shape, or form. But this is the reason why I don’t feel revengeful towards people who have hurt me in my life.


I don’t wish hate or bad things unto anyone, and I mean that, despite the bad things that some people have done to me. I wish them well, I wish them love, health, happiness, and peace. But I also hope that they learn from their mistakes, and that they don’t hurt others like they hurt me in my life. I’ve rarely met a bad person in my life, if ever. And I don’t believe that anyone is “all” bad anyway. Some people simply don’t think before they act or make bad decisions, and they blame others, and have many issues and fail to work on themselves or recognize that they’re imperfect, just like everyone else.


Rather than feel revengeful in life, and rather than wish pain and agony on anyone for their wrong doings when they’ve hurt you or someone who you know, you can be the bigger person, you can be the cream that rises to the top, and you can kill them with kindness and love. It’s not easy. But when have good things in life ever been easy.


Remember, at the end of the day, when all is said and done, and when you’ve been hurt by people or know people who have been hurt by others, you should feel thankful for the mere fact that you’re able to recognize right from wrong, learn from it and grow, become resilient and strong, and remove yourself from toxic situations and from people who don’t treat you in a manner that you deserve to be treated.
Don’t let others belittle you, bully you, or bring you down in life. Don’t surround yourself with people who don’t have your best interest at heart, who don’t love and support you, or who feel envy and jealousy from anything good that happens to you in your life. But don’t hate those who hate you. Strive towards becoming more enlightened, rather than let your soul fill up with bitterness and hatred for others. The only thing that your soul should fill up with is kindness, love, and forgiveness.

Anne Cohen

Founder, Owner, Writer, and Editor at Anne Cohen Writes
Anne Cohen is a lifestyle and relationship blogger based in Los Angeles, CA. Her blogs are Anne Cohen and Anne Cohen Writes. She contributes to various publications including The Huffington Post, Elite Daily, and many more. She's passionate about love, writing, chess, and more than anything, her two kids.

13 thoughts on “Why I Don’t Believe in an Eye for an Eye

  1. Proverbs 25:21-22: If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat; and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink; for you will heap burning coals on his head, and HaShem will reward you.

    That saying is in the middle of several proverbs that use physical images to describe emotional reactions. Right before it is the passage, “Like one who takes away a garment on a cold day, or one that pours vinegar on a wound, is one who sings songs to a heavy heart” (Proverbs 25:20). The physical picture of discomfort illustrates that trying to make a person in mourning happy just distresses them more. Likewise, the passage about coals is about the emotional discomfort an enemy will feel when you waken his conscience about his conduct toward you.

    According to the Jewish Encyclopedia1 :

    The word “coal” is often used in a metaphorical sense: 2 Samuel 14: 7 speaks of the “quenching of the coal” of a man, meaning the complete annihilation of his issue; while in Proverbs 25:22 kindness bestowed upon an enemy is called “heaping coals of fire upon his head,” since it tends to waken his deadened conscience and help him to realize his wrong.

    This is difficult to do most times but it works!
    Baruch HaShem amein.

    Great article Anni.

    1. Al lo davar achoti. Thank you Anni for your loss of love for the world. You do make a difference. Stay blessed. Shalom

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