He Lied and Cheated – and Then Blamed Me


They say that there are a lot of fish in the sea. But sometimes, those fish bite, and it doesn’t feel good. It’s so important to be faithful, pure, and honest in general, but when you’re in an exclusive and monogamous relationship, we all hope that our partner is trustworthy, and that they deserve to have the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately, not everyone deserves to get the benefit of the doubt, especially when they have a track record.


Many times, people who lie or cheat on their partner and get caught or even confess in some cases, will end up trying to blame their partner for their toxic and selfish behaviour, trying to relieve themselves of the guilt perhaps. A person who lies or cheats (or both), is the only one to blame. Sure, there are two sides to every situation, and it definitely does take two to tango. There are always two sides to a story, but when someone lies or cheats, they are 100% to blame for their actions, and they should truly own up to their mistakes, rather than blaming their partner.


It’s bad enough to be on the other end of the stick—being the one who was cheated on or lied to, but to be blamed for it on top of having to deal with the pain is beyond messed up, and simply, just wrong on every level. 
It’s unfortunate that many cheaters and liars will blame their partner, and they’ll usually have a million excuses, which I won’t even bother listing in this article, because there is no good reason to act impulsively, selfishly, or to be dishonest to someone you love and who likely made themselves vulnerable enough to love you as well. When someone cheats on their partner or lies, they need to own up to their mistakes, be apologetic, say they’re sorry, and show remorse. And they should do so, despite whether or not their partner forgives them. But the last thing that they should be doing is blaming their partner for their sh*tty actions.


If someone feels that their excuses are valid or that there was a good reason or excuse for them to have cheated or lied to their partner, well obviously they’re wrong, but to address their feelings, and to explain why they’re so wrong is truly a no-brainer. They’re wrong because they’re a**holes! O.K., no, really, I mean yes, they’re possible huge a**holes, and I’m not denying that, but they’re wrong because they didn’t communicate to their partner about how they were feeling. And instead of going to the source (their partner) and communicating the route of their concerns, they acted on impulse, which led them to whatever deserved consequence that they likely don’t feel they deserved. Communicating “after the fact” simply isn’t the same thing as communicating “before the fact,” or the act if you want to get technical.


When you’re in an exclusive monogamous relationship, it’s imperative to be faithful, honest, and true to your partner. We all need to do our part when it comes to being honest, and one thing that really helps is by having open book communication, and treating your partner not only as your lover, but as your best friend, and someone you can confide in. You should be able to trust your partner under all circumstances, and know that their intentions are good and pure. As well, you should be able to tell one another your deepest concerns so that you can continuously work on improving your relationship. Relationships don’t improve themselves and there are no happy couples out there who don’t work on their issues.


It’s unfortunate when someone experiences the dreadful reality of being cheated on or lied to by their partner. A partner is supposed to be someone who you can trust and who you’ll feel closest to. You should know your partner enough and feel close enough to him or her that you can communicate your feelings if or when you’re having doubts, second thoughts, and in regards to any concerns about all of the different aspects your relationship.


Many times, cheating or being lied to happens when one person in the relationship feels inadequate about certain things. And instead of communicating those things to their partner, they make rash decisions and act impulsively. Instant and immediate gratification is nothing more than short term light and long-term darkness. As well, it’s usually because of an impulse to please ourselves, which is not only negative and selfish, but it usually leads to long-term darkness.


It’s imperative to think before we talk or act and to think of all of the possible consequences of our actions. No one likes to be hurt, be used, abused, or taken for granted. As well, it’s one of the worst feelings when the person who’s supposed to be the closest to us in the world lies to us or cheats on us emotionally or physically in any way. You see, when the glass is broken, it’s broken, and it can rarely ever be fixed. Think of the consequences before you act impulsively, and think about how your partner feels or would feel if you betray their trust and let them down. As well, think how you’ll feel when or if your partner leaves you after they find out that you weren’t pure, honest, or faithful to them.


We should do everything in our power to build trust with our partner, and when something like cheating or infidelity happens or even when we’re lied to by our partner who we’re supposed to trust and have faith in, it can not only destroy us emotionally and make us feel deflated beyond belief, but it’s hard to go anywhere from that point because the trust is lost and trust that’s lost is one of the hardest things to get back (supposing that the other person was incredibly forgiving).


Remember, treat others as you would want to be treated, and respect your partner, just as you’d want them to respect you. Last but not least, do everything in your power to keep the foundation of your relationship strong by being honest, pure, and faithful to one another. If your relationship is lacking certain things, then you need to communicate your feelings to your partner, confide in them, and try your best to work things out—if that’s what you desire. But cheating or lying is not the best method. It’s the worst method and won’t fix anything, and if anything, it will destroy everything. If you no longer want to be with your partner, then it’s better to leave, rather than lie or cheat on them. No one deserves to go through that pain. 

Anne Cohen

Founder, Owner, Writer, and Editor at Anne Cohen Writes
Anne Cohen is a lifestyle and relationship blogger based in Los Angeles, CA. Her blogs are Anne Cohen and Anne Cohen Writes. She contributes to various publications including The Huffington Post, Elite Daily, and many more. She's passionate about love, writing, chess, and more than anything, her two kids.

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