7 Must-Haves Before Starting a New Relationship


There are certain things that are essential to have before getting into a new relationship or even dating. It’s imperative that these 7 things are present so that you’ll give that new special someone in your life and your relationship-to-be a real and genuine chance. The following is a short list that should be helpful in guiding those that are hoping to find true love. If you fall short in any of the following, don’t fret, and know that in time and with patience things will all fall into place. You will get the love and happiness that you hope for. But first, make sure that you’re ready for it.

Here’s the list:

1. You must have an open heart.

I don’t recommend people dating that are recently getting out of a relationship, recently separated, or recently divorced. As well, not having any hangups, wounds, bitterness, anger, resentment, or even any residual feelings for someone from their past is imperative when it comes to having an open heart. You need to be open to embracing love when it’s right before your eyes. You cannot embrace something that you can’t let in. It’s impossible to be open to falling in love when you’re not truly open to it because of past hurt, resentments, or wounds. As well, you can’t be afraid to fall in love or get hurt. You have to risk getting hurt in order to fall in love. You must risk a new possible wound in order to be open to embracing true and passionate love.

2. You must be a whole person.

You must be a whole person yourself. Being a whole person has much to do with having an open heart. But more so, being whole means not feeling the need to be with someone, but rather wanting to be with someone, and for all of the right reasons. Generally speaking, when someone isn’t a whole person themselves, they tend to be very needy or clingy. As well, they carry an energy around with them where they feel that something is lacking if they’re not in a relationship or married. To be whole means that you’re happy being with yourself, even though you’d love, embrace, and be very open to the idea of having a partner in life.

3. You must know what you want.

You should know what you want in a partner. You should at least have an idea of what you’re looking for. I’m not necessarily referring to what a person looks like as much as what works for you in a relationship, and what doesn’t. It’s important to have an idea of what you must have in a relationship, as opposed to what you’d like to have in a relationship. You should know what qualities, attributes, and common interests are most important for you to share with another person. For some people, good looks and wealth are two must-haves, and for others, things like that might be at the bottom of their list. Perhaps you want someone that’s well educated and family oriented, and good looks and money aren’t as important for you. Whatever is important to you and on your must-have list, make sure that you see those things within your partner, and preferably while early dating.

4. You must be fully single.

It’s important to be single. Single? Yes, single, and fully single. I had many people call me out on this subject before (see: “Is It Okay to Date a Separated Person?”). However, my view remains that one shouldn’t be separated or recently out of a relationship when hoping to date. I believe in monogamy and in sharing your life with one person. I don’t believe that people that are separated should be dating, and especially, when it comes to online dating. It takes time to heal after getting out of a relationship, and even more so when it comes to getting out of a marriage. It’s not about whether or not you’re going to get back together with your ex. This is where I’ve been debated on the issue before. It’s more so about having a completely clean slate, open heart, and to top it off, there’s a sense of purity when someone is fully single.

5. There must be enough physical attraction and chemistry.

Whoever says that having enough attraction isn’t such a big deal is either lying or delusional. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know! It’s what’s inside that counts. I got it! I know, and I feel this way, although, there must be some physical attraction as well. You need to be attracted to a person. Even if you’re just a little attracted. You see, after you’re even a little attracted to someone and you get to know the person on a deeper level, you’ll either become more attracted or less. But there must be an initial attraction from the start.

I’d consider myself to be a sapiosexual, but if someone is simply unattractive to me from the get-go, I can’t proceed forward. Like I said, even if you see beauty in a person’s eyes, smile, or something, anything about the person, there must be a spark. And as far as chemistry goes, same thing. Chemistry and attraction go hand in hand, because as you get to know a person on a deeper level, the attraction that you initially felt will grow into beautiful chemistry when you’re with the right person. Chemistry is a feeling that’s triggered by attraction, even if you’re attracted to intelligence, sense of humour, etc. But again, the spark must be there and that spark comes from physical attraction.

6. You must be on the same page.

You should know if you both ultimately want the same things. This shouldn’t be a guessing game. Communication is everything, so talk with the person and make absolute sure that what you both want is aligned. You must be on the same page before becoming exclusive, because you should be heading in the same direction, path, and going towards what you both want in life. If one person wants totally different things down the line, there’s no point in becoming exclusive.

7. You must have a conversation about exclusivity.

These days, being exclusive and only dating one person at a time is not something that should ever be assumed. There needs to be a conversation. Not only should you have a conversation about being monogamous and exclusive, but you should also talk openly and communicate with one another about your wants, needs, and expectations. Things should never be assumed, because every person is different and therefore, every person’s wants, needs, and expectations will be different in every relationship.

Anne Cohen
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