When Intimacy Is Used as a Weapon


We should always strive to be the best person we can be. It’s important to be self-aware, and conscious of how we affect others around us. Kindness and love are two things that should be part of our everyday feelings and actions. We should embrace the fact that we all have the power to love, and use it to our advantage. As much damage as hate can cause, love can usually be the best cure.

Sometimes during the dating period or even in relationships people use love and intimacy as a weapon. Many people will automatically know what I’m referring to. But for all others, by weapon, I’m referring to using the fact that we can control whether or not we are intimate or affectionate with our partners and whether or not to use it to our advantage. Whether some people have motives that aren’t pure or if they’re trying to dominate the power in a relationship, using love, affection, and intimacy as a weapon, it’s wrong.

Many times, people will assume that their partner is holding back on becoming intimate, and using it as a weapon, even though they’re not. For some people, they like to take things slower in a relationship or perhaps they’re truly not ready to get that close to another person (at least, on an intimate level). It’s important to differentiate whether someone is genuinely wanting to take things at a slower pace or whether they’re trying to control the situation by holding off on being intimate.

One of the most important things when dating someone new or getting into a new relationship is to be understanding, sensitive, and loving towards your partner. One of the best ways of being sensitive and understanding to them is by understanding boundaries, respect, and going at a pace that’s comfortable for one another. You can’t rush someone’s pace or make them do things that they’re not ready for. When someone truly loves another person, they’re usually willing to take things slower if needed, or at least go at a pace in which their partner will feel more comfortable and at ease.

Remember, just like Phil Collins said, “You Can’t Hurry Love.” It’s important to pace yourself when dating someone new or when getting involved with someone that you don’t really know very well yet. You can’t assume that everyone is going to be willing to go at the same pace as you. The truth is, many times when two people wait to become intimate when starting a new relationship, they’ll benefit in the long run. Many times, it’s the buildup of excitement and lustful or loving energy that can grow into true love and passion.

Quick, instant, and immediate gratification many times has a downfall of long term darkness. The fact of the matter is, and despite what people say, sexual intercourse or “hooking up” won’t make a person fall in love with you. It’s important to develop healthy communication and a solid, strong foundation in which your relationship can be built upon. Many times, building a solid foundation takes time, energy, effort, and love. If you’re truly hoping to find a meaningful, and long-lasting love, it’s important to be respectful of one another, to go at a pace that you’re both comfortable with, and not to rush things. Real and genuine love takes hard work, time, and you can’t rush a good thing.

When people use love, affection, or intimacy as a weapon, they’re not only being deceiving to their partner, but they’re trying to control a situation in order to own the power within it. Many people simply won’t stick around or give you the chance to acquire that power if they feel that you’re being deceiving or trying to gain control in the relationship. It’s important to be pure with your intentions, and if you’re not ready to get too close to someone, then you should communicate your feelings to the person that you’re dating or in a relationship with.

As well, it’s important to give your partner the benefit of the doubt when in doubt of their intentions. You should assume the best, and that your partner has good intentions, unless otherwise proven or if they have a bad track record. Keep in mind that in new relationships, unless you speak your mind, and feel comfortable communicating your feelings, holding off on something like intimacy or affection for too long will make them question your motives. Don’t keep the person you’re dating in the dark, and let them know how you’re feeling, and what you’re comfortable with. If your partner has truly good intentions with you, they’ll likely be very understanding, and patient with your pace and time frame.

Anne Cohen
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