Unrequited Love and Settling for the Wrong Match

Unrequited-Love-and-Settling-for-the-Wrong-Match


In life and in love… Most people have realized at some point or another, that there’s one thing that holds everything together in this world. That one thing has the power to make every little thing much more beautiful. Love. Love is the glue, the strength, and the one thing that must be there in every successful relationship. Without having a foundation of absolute, pure, agape, selfless, unconditional love, relationships will fall apart. Well, if couples stay together without having love as the main foundation pillar, I suppose it’s possible for them to last and to work, but they’ll lack the butterflies, the bliss, and the heart pounding, and at times, heart wrenching emotions that go along with being in love. So I suppose, despite what some people say, love is a choice.


We can to choose to be with someone who we love or to settle, and be with someone who we don’t love. Believe it or not, many people will choose to settle, rather than to be with someone who they love and adore and who loves them back. Maybe it’s me, but I simply can’t relate to those who settle and choose a loveless relationship or marriage, because of comfort, stability, security, convenience, the easier path, or even for logic. I mean, I understand why some people choose logic over love or the path which seems comfortable and easier, I just simply can’t relate to choosing a loveless path. I would always choose fireworks and real love and passion over looking or “seeming” good on paper, etc. What good is comfort if you don’t have your true love to share it with. Just for company or a friend? No thanks.


Some people would rather have experienced an amazing love affair, than not to have experienced it at all. While other people are, well, they would rather forgo experiencing such a heavenly bliss and to taste what love really is, than to have to experience, or should I say, endure a possible heartache. I’d always choose to experience love, despite the consequence of possible heartache or loss. You see, when you love someone, you have everything. And I know, I know, everything to gain and everything to lose. But it’s worth it when the love is real. For those who hold passion and fire in their souls, and for those who know the taste of real love, perhaps my opinion will resonate with you more.


We should raise our children to go with their hearts more than their logic. To be smart but to go with their hearts. This is why the divorce rate is so high. Or at least, I’m sure that it’s a big contributing reason. People are settling down for all of the wrong reasons. I’m not sitting here saying, that people should be in a situation or date someone who they make no sense with, who they endlessly fight with, one who they have a million red flags with, or for one who’s clearly the wrong match—as long as the love is there. But more so, I’m saying not to do the opposite and date someone who they look good on paper with, who makes them feel secure or less lonely, but who they feel nothing for, other than the normal feelings of caring for another human being.


Everyone has different motives for why they choose to be with someone. And there’s really no telling what someone’s true motives are— even when they tell us that they’re being honest and that their intentions are pure. At some point, we need to use our logic and go with our gut instinct, and just sense that someone wants to be with us for the right reasons. And as far as what we do and what our intentions are for being with someone, only we know our real motives. It’s important to make a life, and to build a beautiful world with someone we love, and to choose a partner who will love us for the right reasons.


You can love someone and not be good together. And you can love someone and fight all of the time, where nothing flows, and where there lacks healthy communication, compatibility, or even a stable and calm life together. Don’t settle for that either. Be smart, but go with your heart. Go where the feelings are, but also where your instinct tells you is the right path for you. There needs to be a balance where we choose love, but where we also choose to love the right person.


Now, after having mumbo-jumbo’d my way through this article, explaining my thoughts on what holds it all together, my initial point is to address something that’s so important for people to remember when they’re dating someone or exploring a relationship. Being that love is the most important thing which ties two things together and holds them close, it should be mandatory to feel love for someone you’re with. Yes, you heard me right. Love should be mandatory. When did love become an option. When did we start “choosing” whether or not to be with someone for the right reasons. And when have “the right reasons” of being with someone turned into some type of open discussion as to what’s right for one, might not be right for another. Love is right. We should be with someone based on a foundation of love. Love should be the motive. 


If you’re dating someone or if you’re in a relationship and you see that nothing flows, that you’re incompatible, or that you’re the simply the wrong match, don’t sweep it under the rug or stay in that situation, because that’s just another way of settling. Things should flow, and feelings and having a good life together shouldn’t have to feel like a push and pull. Love isn’t always enough. That is, not if you’re the wrong match for one another. The ultimate goal in life should be happiness. If you’re in love but unhappy all of the time, what good is that. That’s not love, that’s probably addiction. Be with someone who makes you happy and vice versa. But we should be with someone who we love and feel happy with. You shouldn’t have to force feelings or for things to work. When the love is there, couples will naturally want to improve things and make one another happy.


Now let’s talk about true love


Real love happens with an open heart and with time. It doesn’t happen instantly or immediately, and there’s no such thing as love at first sight. But at the same time, there is a butterfly type of, honeymoon love, which might feel like love at first sight, because you’ll experience feelings of bliss, heaven, lust, and other excitement and attraction when things are new. But these feelings are made up from exactly what I’d just described— feelings of excitement and getting to explore a new situation which is entirely uncharted territory for you.


When you’re attracted to someone on a physical level, and then you combine that initial attraction with great chemistry as well as connections on many different levels, it’s going to feel exciting. You’re likely going to develop feelings for that person, and the more time that you spend with them, the more that you’ll get to know them, and the more those feelings should grow. But if you’re dating someone or are in a relationship for a while, and you don’t feel as though you’re falling in love with the person—or let’s take it down a notch, if the like isn’t turning into, a like-a-lot-a-bit, and especially, after spending a decent amount of time together, then you’re probably with the wrong person.


Feelings should grow when you’re with the right match


When you’re with the right person, mutual feelings should grow into something deeper, a feeling that holds depth, more meaning, and value. Your feelings, the chemistry, and the attraction—they should grow the longer that you’re with someone, the more quality time that you spend together, and the more that you get to know a person. If the chemistry, attraction, and your feelings for another person are diminishing and becoming less, rather than growing stronger and into something more beautiful and meaningful, you’re definitely with the wrong person. Either that, or you’re simply, or should I say, complicatedly, emotionally unavailable and your heart isn’t open towards falling in love. Honestly, it would have to be one of the two things, because when you’re with the right person, the feelings should grow.


Let’s say that you’re dating someone new, and you’re definitely interested in the person. So you spend time together, getting to know them. But at some point, you realize that your feelings for the person aren’t growing or building your desire to spend more time with them. You’re becoming less attracted, and possibly even losing interest in the other person, desiring to have some time apart or even some alone time, as opposed to spending more quality time with them, it’s time to end that situation so that you can be with someone who you’ll stay interested in.


You don’t lose interest with the right person


When everything is new in a situation, things will obviously be more exciting, and honeymoon-like. But the point is not to find a situation that will feel like a honeymoon solely in the beginning, where after you get to know them on a deeper level or heaven forbid, after you become intimate with them, you suddenly lose interest. The honeymoon period can last a lifetime if you’re with the right person and you’re dedicated to your relationship.


Be with the type of person who you can imagine growing old with, who holds your interest, who will keep up a conversation naturally and where things will flow, where you won’t have to force feelings. You should never have to pretend that you’re interested in someone or something more than you are. Stay authentic, keep it real, and be just the way you are, and the right person will not only like you and stay interested in you, but they’ll desire to spend more and more time with you, and will always want to get to know you on a deeper level throughout your life with them.


The right person, and that one special someone, will be with you for the right reasons, won’t suddenly lose interest, and won’t ever get bored of you. Having said that, we all get bored at times of this and that in life. But to become bored of a person who you’re dating or in a relationship with, is simply not the same thing. If you’re dating someone or in a relationship, and yes, even if you’re married to someone, and you’re feeling bored and want some excitement in your life, buy some new underwear. O.K., O.K., seriously though, buy new underwear. But also, 
make sure that you’re communicating your feelings with your partner, and let them know how you feel.


Healthy, happy, and loving relationships take two people in order to make things work. As well, it takes a certain amount of love and effort that you both should be putting into things. Try to plan a date night once a week so you can keep the romance and fire alive. And make sure that you’re being intimate with your partner often enough. Lacking intimacy is a huge problem for many couples, and especially, the longer that they’re together. Put a little effort into your love life.


Let your partner know that you’re interested in being close and intimate with them. Be spontaneous and keep things interesting. Anything can become boring if it’s the same old routine over and over. Brainstorm some ideas to spice things up. However, intimacy is not the only thing that helps keep couples close. It’s also about having a healthy amount of closeness and affection outside of the bedroom and throughout your daily lives together. Make sure that you’re putting enough love and effort into your relationship, and into your partner.


Last but not least, make sure that you’re taking good care of yourself, that you’re being good to yourself, and doing things that make you happy once in awhile. In other words, you should do something special for yourself, indulge once in awhile, treat yourself, and make yourself feel good.  You see, at the end of the day, it’s all about feeling happy in life. You should be happy with the choices that you make, with the life that you lead, and with the partner that you choose to have by your side. And I can only speak for myself, but I truly believe that it’s important to experience true love, and never to settle for a relationship with someone who you have to force feelings for, and who you don’t feel that you’re in love with.


If someone doesn’t love and appreciate you after getting to know you on a deeper level, please be good to yourself, and recognize your self-worth, by not settling and being someone who isn’t meant for you. Be with someone who will love and adore you, who will make you feel loved, and who will desire to be with you as much as possible. Be with someone who will see how great you are from the get go. Love yourself enough to know how much you have to offer in life, to this world, and to a partner who’s deserving of your love. No one should stay in a situation or experience unrequited love because they stuck around hoping that the other person’s feelings would grow in time. But with time, only making you more attached, while their feelings never grow, and possibly leaving you all alone in the end, being so easy for them to leave.


There should be a balance in a healthy and happy relationship. There should be balance even when you’re just dating someone. You should be on the same page as your partner, and you should be able to pretty much develop feelings for one another in a similar time frame. One person shouldn’t be madly in love with the other person, while the other person likes the other one just a little bit. Be on the same page as one another, and fall in love together. Walk hand-in-hand, take one another’s arms, and be each other’s one and only.


And if you’re jaded, if you don’t believe in love anymore, or if you’ve had too many heartbreaks in your life, take yourself off of the market and stop dating for the love of God. But for others, who truly believe in love and hope to be with that one special someone who will love and adore them, and who they can love and adore, be patient and wait for that special someone. The right person will make you feel worthy of love and will never take your love, your feelings, or your time in this world for granted. They’ll see the beautiful person you are, they’ll embrace your love, and they’ll never do anything to risk losing you. The right person doesn’t have to lose you in order to appreciate what they had. The right person will love you right off the bat. And as they get to know you each and every day, they’ll find more and more reasons to love you, to adore you, and to stick around.


Remember this, if you want to experience true love and to have a partner in life who won’t ever get bored of you or lose interest at some point, always be the real you, and recognize that when someone’s feelings for you don’t develop and become stronger early on and as they’re getting to know you more and more, don’t waste your time, because you’re with the wrong person. Unfortunately, many times people will keep dating someone or say in a relationship that’s mediocre, because they’re used to a person, because they care about the other person and don’t want to hurt their feelings, or because they’d rather be with someone, than be lonely and in the single scene again.


I’m going to end on this note—I want you to ask yourself a question and listen to your gut instinct. Do you feel that when love is real, and when you’re with your best possible match, that the feelings should be mutual and felt by both people? Dear family, friends, and all of my readers, don’t make the mistake of settling for the wrong person, and for the absolute wrong reasons. We all deserve to be loved and adored to the maximum extent. Believe in love, and believe that you’re deserving of it. No one should ever have to endure the pain and torture of unrequited love. And no one, and I mean no one should settle, and be with someone if the love isn’t there and if the feelings don’t grow with time.  

Anne Cohen

Founder, Owner, Writer, and Editor at Anne Cohen Writes
Anne Cohen is a lifestyle and relationship blogger based in Los Angeles, CA. Her blogs are Anne Cohen and Anne Cohen Writes. She contributes to various publications including The Huffington Post, Elite Daily, and many more. She's passionate about love, writing, chess, and more than anything, her two kids.

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