The Older You Get, the Pickier You Get


For those of you that have been in the dating scene for quite some time and are still single, you might start to realize that you’re becoming pickier and pickier, before going out on any first dates. Even when you accept first dates, you seem to be finding reasons not to continue seeing the person after one, two, or many dates. When you’ve been in the dating scene for so long, it’s likely that you’ve experienced a lot of promising dates that led to nothing but failure, and you’ve probably gone out on a lot of bad dates as well. It can be really hard to find what you want, even when you know exactly what you’re looking for.

For people that don’t know what they want, they need to figure it out before dating anyone. But, once you know what you want, it doesn’t necessarily suddenly appear right before your eyes. It still takes time in order to find the right person. The problem with being in the dating scene for too long, is that we tend to become pickier as to what we’re okay and not okay with in another person. Many times, people become set in their ways, which makes it even harder to commit to anyone for anything long term.

You know that you want to have a serious relationship that will lead to marriage. You’re just not willing to take too much of a risk in order to have that happen. The problem with that is, if you’re not willing to take risks in order to find out if someone is right for you, you’ll never know if a situation could’ve, would’ve, or should’ve gone forward, if you didn’t truly give it a chance. You have to put your heart out on the line and risk getting hurt, in order to find real love. You can’t go into new relationships with guards or walls up to protect yourself. Take those walls down and open up your heart. It’s important to be able to express your feelings to a person that you’re dating and hoping to go forward with. If you feel like you’re set in your ways so much that you feel the need to express that to your partner, you need to tone that down a notch, and come back down to reality.

You need to realize that you can’t be too set in your ways when you’re hoping to find someone else to build a life with. It doesn’t matter how old a person is, because if a person feels that they’re too set in their ways, then they’re not truly open to having a long, meaningful, committed life to another person, like a long relationship that leads to marriage. No one should be too set in their ways, that they can’t change and grow with a partner. No two people are the same, were brought up the same, or have experienced the same things. People are all different and have different daily activities, even the little things, like drinking the same coffee, sleeping in a pitch black room, staying up late, or waking up very early, etc. People can be set in their ways to a certain extent and that’s okay, as long as they’re open to growing with another person. Growing involves change, and change can only happen when a person is not too set in their ways.

I remember this one time when someone told me something many years ago. They said, ” I’m too old to change, I’m set in my ways, and you’re going to have to be the one that has to change and improve.” Of course, the situation is slightly out of context, but nonetheless, the person was feeling that they were too old to change and I should’ve seen that as a red flag, but I was merely 19 at the time. What happened did you ask? Well, I did a lot of changing and growing, and by the age of about 30, I finally started to know exactly what I wanted in a future spouse.

Remember, it’s never good to be too picky to the point where you’re hoping for unrealistic things or have unrealistic expectations in another person. It’s important to know what you want in someone, without creating a fairytale type of being. There is no perfect person in this universe. However, my heart tells me that there is a perfect person that’s made just for you and me. But, I think the terminology of “perfect” could better be described in a different way. This is why I believe that we’re all searching to find “our best possible match.” There will always be “good” matches and many people could be good for you or not. But, if someone seems like a good match, but something doesn’t feel right, make sure that you’re not being too picky and having unrealistic expectations for perfection. The grass isn’t greener on the other side. Having said that, I do believe that there is a best possible match for everyone.

You shouldn’t settle for anything less than feeling happy for a good portion of the time that you’re together. You can never be happy all of the time, because that’s a temporary emotion. As we all know, emotions come and go throughout the day, every day, and you should never expect a perfect, happy relationship all of the time. You have to expect when you’re dating someone, there will be problems and you might argue at times. Just keep in mind that there will always be bumps in the road and issues that come up. What’s important to know is that your relationship is healthy and based on a good foundation of honesty, trust, good communication, and love. Once you have a solid foundation with a person, you should still never expect to be happy all of the time.

There are single people of all ages and there are positives and negatives within every age group. Whether you’re young or old, when you stall finding the love of your life, because of school, working long hours, partying, or just simply by putting dating off, it can become harder to find what you want, because you’re becoming pickier. The reason we become pickier the longer we wait to date or the older that we get, is because we’ve been in the dating scene long enough to know what works for us, what doesn’t work for us, what we like, and what we don’t like. Having said that, it’s important to remember to be flexible and open-minded towards finding your love. Make sure that you keep your heart open, you’re willing to change your set ways of doing things, and that you’re not looking for perfection.

Anne Cohen
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