When it comes to dating and finding that one special someone, it’s important to have an open heart and an open mind. But also, it’s important to give promising situations and each person that you date, a blank clean slate and a genuine chance. The best way to do that, is to have great communication skills, by asking the right types of questions, and by being a good listener. Having said that, it’s important that we’re not just the type of person who asks great questions, but also the type of person who listens to the responses, and even to the way that a response is given.
You can learn a lot about a person from the type of questions that they ask you, from their responses, but in addition, from the tone of their responses. The best advice I can give to anyone, would be to risk getting hurt so that you can truly have the chance to fall in love. We should be cautious, but still, emotionally open enough to get to know another person. As well, we should be open to learning and receiving information about others, and to give the opportunity for another person to open up as well.
No one likes to feel judged, and especially by someone who they just meet. Give people a clean slate and get to know someone including all of their differences. Don’t assume, don’t judge, and don’t react or give harsh and sudden responses to what you hear and learn about a person. The last thing that I’m sure that anyone would want, would be for someone who they’re just getting to know, to walk on eggshells, filter who they really are at their core, to hide things or close up, or to pretend to be someone they’re not, and just to please you and make you feel more comfortable. Remember to be open and to show acceptance, love, and understanding. Be compassionate, empathetic, and as the song goes, “Put a little love in your heart.” Having an open and heart and an open mind is more than just saying it, it’s setting the tone by being open and nonjudgmental.
Another thing that’s important when meeting someone new in with hopes of giving things a real shot, is not to be judgemental or assume things about another person from your own feelings or because of your own past experiences and things that you might’ve seen growing up or from people who you’ve known. It’s important to give promising situations a genuine chance by putting your best foot forward, by being the best version of yourself, and by doing everything in your power to give things a chance when they deserve one.
This doesn’t mean that you should give every situation a chance or coequal every person for that matter. But when you see that someone ultimately wants the same things in life, that there’s enough fire, chemistry, and attraction, and that things seem to be flowing naturally and nicely with one another, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t give that situation your all and try to make it work. Having said that, you should never have to make something work to the point where you’re forcing things, like your feelings. Your feelings for someone should either be there or not.
And yes, it’s quite true that deeper feelings take time to develop. But you should know pretty early on whether or not you feel that spark with another person, and whether or not you want to continue pursuing a situation with them. It shouldn’t take weeks or heaven forbid, months in order to get to know another person and to see if you’re the right match for one another.
And depending on your timeframe and the pace that you go during the dating process, you should be on the same page as one another. This is also something that can maximize your chances, and help your situation work and grow. Again, if you want a situation to have the best chance at working, you should be willing to put in the hard work and effort. And it all starts with being the best version of yourself, and by having the will and desire to keep your heart and mind open while getting to know someone. Don’t judge people too soon or at all, if you can help it. And don’t assume that everyone is the same.
Last but not least, just because you might feel a certain way about certain things, whether they’re big or small things, and just because you have your feelings and opinions, it doesn’t mean that another person needs to share them. That is, unless they’re bigger issues for you. However, it’s imperative to remember, that we have to pick and choose our battles, and we can’t always have everything our way or just as we’d like things to be. As well, everything can’t be a big deal or a red flag. So figure out what’s a big issue for you, and what’s really important for you to have in a partner and what’s isn’t.
But never, and I mean never, try to change someone into becoming more like you, to think like you, to feel like you, to act like you, or to act and think the way that you feel is “the better way.” Embrace each person for the individual who they are, rather than trying to change them into something or someone else. And if you like most things about a person, but there are certain things that you wish were different, learn to love people for who they are, accept people with all of their differences, and learn to see the beauty in that which makes them so unique and different from another.
You don’t have to be with a person who’s your emotional identical twin. You see, many times it’s our differences that make us so beautiful. We all bring different things to the table in a relationship. And it’s important to understand that, but also to embrace the fact that balance is what will make every relationship better, healthier, and happier. Both people in a relationship need to do their share at whatever will make their situation more balanced. And this goes in every regard and in every aspect of a relationship.
There’s balance in the mere fact that you’re two different people, raised in two different environments, from different parents, seeing the world in different ways and experiencing two completely different lives full of many different encounters, different types of people, and learning different things. We need to embrace our differences, and understand that there are reasons that we deal with things differently, that we have different opinions from one another at times, and that we don’t agree all of the time or have the exact same views on everything as someone else.
Many times, we come from two different worlds so to speak, and that right there is enough to make two people feel differently about many things. But still, that shouldn’t make you or another person judgemental, too opinionated, or too closed minded where you can’t learn to love and accept someone, and even make light of your different ways of thinking or feeling.
When it comes to big issues and things that are very important to us, we need to be on the same page as another person for those things. But that doesn’t mean that we need to be on the same page for everything, or to think and feel in an identical manner. A little bit of disagreeing and bickering never hurt anyone in a relationship. And if anything, many times it even spices things up and keeps things interesting when one person is a little feisty or feels differently about certain things.
Remember, it’s all about how compatible you are with one another how you make one another feel, and how much love is there. At the end of the day, we all want to be with the type of person who will love us unconditionally, who will have our back, be our rock and be emotionally supportive, make us feel more alive and inspired every single day, and who will be accepting and understanding and know that we are special in our own way. We should all be loved for our uniqueness, for our differences, and for all of our little idiosyncrasies.
The right person will love you, me, or anyone, not despite our awkward imperfections and unusual ways of doing things or thinking, but the right person will love us because of those things. And the best way to go about getting the type of love and support that you want from someone, is to let a situation have a great chance from the very beginning, by taking the right steps while getting to know one another. Have an open mind and heart early on, and without modifying or trying to reshape and alter a person because of your differences. Love someone, or even like someone, for who they are.