When we go through challenging times in a relationship, sometimes, we forget certain things because of how we’re feeling. We all handle stress in different ways, but when it comes to the following list, we can all do these things to help us feel better, and not completely lose our noodle. If we let the stress in our lives get to us, we might not only emotionally fall apart, but we might also feel drained, be very low on energy, feel unmotivated, and even feel unloved by our partner. Following these few tips can help with all of the above, and more. This article is written for those who are in a relationship, engaged, and even for married couples who are going through hard times and looking for ways to improve things.
1. Date night
Sound crazy? Well, it’s not. Having a date night is something essential, and is something that you should have been doing all along. Hard times happen in life and in every relationship. But sometimes, taking a breather, a moment, and just one night to recoup and rejuvenate your soul to share some romance can make dramatic improvements not only in your love life, but also, when it comes to being able to handle your issues better.
Leave your issues at home on date night. Don’t make excuses for why you can’t go out or why you “don’t want to” go out and be romantic. You’re not feeling romantic? Duh! But either way, you still need to create romance when it’s not there. Do you love your partner? That’s what I thought. If you don’t love them, why are you sticking around and fighting forward. Rhetorical question. You love your partner, so start remembering why you love them, what made you fall in love, and why letting go of your stress and whatever you’re arguing about for one night can help you both as a couple.
Remember, this isn’t a way of sweeping your issues under the rug. At least, not permanently. We should work through issues. But some issues take a long time to work through. There are times when everything in a relationship could fall apart, and that’s why it’s imperative to go out together and share some romance. Date night is something that you should incorporate into your lives. One night a week minimum. Make the time, and without making excuses. If you want your relationship to improve, you have to be willing to put some effort into it. You’ll need to have good communication, trust, and the ability to just let things go. “Look baby, we’re both upset, let’s cool off, and take one night to just enjoy each other.”
Hey, no one ever said it would be easy. But just know this—you are with this person because you fell in love with them. If you want things to work, suggest a date night and one night to simply stop the fighting. Sometimes we feel hurt, angry, and completely turned off to even the remote idea of romance. However, if you love each other enough, try to communicate better and create a friendship within your relationship. Go out and enjoy a comedy show and nice dinner or go out for a drink to the place where you first met. Rekindle what you had early on. Let the sparks fly, be close, and think of all that you both have “together,” instead of focusing on what you don’t have, what’s not working, or where your relationship is struggling the most. Celebrate your love on date night.
2. “This too shall pass”
This genius quote isn’t one of mine. Chuckling over here. Many people debate who actually wrote this quote, but I’m not going to focus on that here or now. “This too shall pass” is something that we need to remember always, and something that we should tell to our children, our grandchildren, and to anyone who we love. It’s a very powerful statement. You and your partner should utter these words to one another with love. “We’re going through a hard time, and I know this is merely a rough patch, but we’ll make it through. I know that you’re upset with me, and for reasons, I’m upset with you, but I love you, and I know that G-d Willing, it will pass.”
Care enough about your partner, your relationship, and about what you have with your partner in your relationship to remember that not everything is bad. Even in hard times, not everything is sour or needs improvement. Think about some of things that are good, even when at your worst moments. Some wounds take time to heal. Some hard times last longer than you might like. But at the end of it all, you are fighting forward, you want to make things work, and you’re standing there, with your heart on your sleeve, letting your partner know that you still care.
Stability is important in every relationship, as well as feeling secure. And depending upon how challenging or turbulent certain times might be or simply feel for that matter, remember your love for one another, and remind each other that “no matter what” this too shall pass, and you want to push forward. Let each other know that you’re in it for the long haul. Sometimes, we might feel as if our partner is giving up, doesn’t care, or doesn’t love us anymore. Sometimes, with all of the dust, the clutter, and the messiness of your issues with one another, you might feel unloved or even lonely, but you’re not alone, you have each other. Remember that. When one of you forgets that, remind the other.
3. Good communication is essential
Don’t sweep things under the rug, don’t give one another the silent treatment, don’t hide or implode your true feelings, and don’t react poorly when the other person talks or expresses themselves and how they feel. Both people in a relationship will have different feelings and opinions and they should be equally expressed and acknowledged. Learn to reflect what your partner says and how they feel.
“I feel like you’re just taking, taking, taking, and never giving back love. It’s always me who tries to get close to you, and you always pull away. I feel completely rejected and like you don’t love me anymore. We’re rarely intimate, and we barely even share moments of closeness.” Reflecting… “So you’re saying that you feel rejected, unloved, and that I don’t care about you, because you feel that I’ve been pulling away.” You can follow that reflection of how they feel with adding an apology. Yes, an apology, even if you don’t feel wrong. Get over yourself, your ego, and your pride. Swallow your pride. Say you’re sorry to relieve their pain, even if you don’t feel wrong. You love your partner, remember! After you’ve reflected their feelings, it might sound like this… “And I understand that you feel hurt and for that, I’m sorry, that wasn’t my intention. I’ve been pushing you away and acting like this, because…”
Learn to communicate your feelings with kindness. The tone of your voice matters. Be a better listener. Give each other their moment to talk. When they speak, listen, and don’t sit there letting their words go in one ear and out of the other. Listen to what they say, and then, think of what you want to say. Sometimes, listening to someone babble on about how they feel can be hard, especially when you feel as if you’d heard it all before or simply because you don’t agree with much of what they say. But either way, give them their moment to speak, then reflect so that they feel heard, and then talk and speak your mind and share your feelings.
4. It’s not about winning or losing
Something that’s important to remember here folks, is that you’re on the same team. You should be best friends, not only lovers. You’re not in competition with one another, so stop trying to win arguments or to be right all of the time. Sometimes you’re wrong, sometimes I’m wrong, sometimes he’s wrong, and sometimes she’s wrong. So what! We all have our moments. Focus more about the situation at hand, and what can be done to resolve issues so that you can go back into being blissful and happy together. Enough with, he said this or she said that. Enough! What does anything matter if you’re both going to be miserable.
Focus on what can be done to improve your happiness with one another. What can bring more love into your relationship or marriage. Take ownership of your areas of needed improvement. No one is perfect in anything, and that includes in all that you’re doing in your relationship. We can always find ways to improve things, and it all starts with knowing what the issues really are from both people’s perspectives. Listen, communicate, and try to see things from each other’s point of view.
This is not a game where if you need to work on certain issues, then you’re the loser and because your partner needs to work on what you might consider smaller issues or whatnot, then they’re the winner. It doesn’t matter who’s working on what issues. Work together by focusing on improving yourself and on what you can do on your end to improve things in your relationship. Remember to be balanced, and that both of you should focus on different things so that everything is under control and taken care of. Create a fair game plan of what you can both do to improve things. Ask your partner what they want, and how they feel that you could improve and vice versa.
5. Good health is imperative
Believe it or not, caring about your health will make a huge and dramatic difference in how well you’re able to handle stress and challenging times. Be healthy in every aspect of your life. Be active and work out. Go for a run or start a regular routine of fast paced walking. Go to the gym, go on a hike, or do something, anything in order to stay active. Care about what you eat. You are what you eat, and you will have good and positive energy and enthusiasm for life if you take good care of yourself and think about what you’re eating and putting into your body, as opposed to indulging nonstop and eating fast food or junk all of the time. Don’t be a stress-eater, and if you are, eat healthy foods in those moments.
Drink a lot of water. Many people don’t think clearly when they don’t drink enough water. Limit your intake of caffeine. Caffeine can provoke anger, more anger, more anxiety, more nervousness, and ultimately add more stress to a situation. Reach for the chamomile tea when you’re stressed-out, rather than alcohol or coffee. Perhaps this is a time when you shouldn’t drink coffee. Let that early morning sun shine on you, giving you your daily dose of Vitamin D. Early morning sun is known to relieve depression, and I must say, it can be very relaxing. Go on a walk with your partner—which by the way, is one of the best ways of talking through issues.
Learn to create and live a healthier lifestyle full of good choices that will improve your life and your relationship. Having a healthy lifestyle can benefit us all in many ways. Make the decision to take better care of yourself. Get an adequate amount of REM sleep. Don’t go to bed angry or stressed out. Don’t start drinking alcohol or put negative and toxic substances into your body to temporarily relieve the pain. The pain and stress will be there when you wake up. The band-aid effect doesn’t work for long. Make peace with your partner at the end of the evening before going to sleep. Even if your issues aren’t resolved, try to go to sleep on a peaceful note, uttering the words, “I love you.” Make the bedroom a stress-free zone.
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